The Barricade Buddies: A Les Miserables Sitcom
by ColonelTravis1836
Summary: Our friends live together and find themselves about to take on the world one shenanigan at a time. Meant to be played out like a sitcom; each chapter is an episode.
1. Pilot Episode: Drink with Me I need it

**FADE IN** :

 **SCENE 01: LIVING ROOM: INT: DAY**

 _A spacious living room surrounded by six doors and a kitchen/dining room. PROUVAIRE is in the kitchen washing dishes. ENJOLRAS is in his comfy chair reading a newspaper. BAHOREL is sitting on the couch facing the television, chewing gum, frustrated at his computer. FEUILLY opens the main door and exasperates after a long day._

 **FEUILLY** : UGH! Some people should not be allowed to drive!

 **PROUVAIRE** : Let me guess. It was that senile old Asian who still believes he pulls the carts in Singapore!

 **FEUILLY** : Oh don't you think that's a little low? It only happened the one time! No, I'm just saying some people! Regardless of race, gender, or age. Maybe people below a certain level of I.Q.

 **PROUVAIRE** : Oh come on that's prejudice! I know a guy who knows a guy who went out with a girl who's second cousin twice removed, has a low I.Q.

 **FEUILLY** : Prouvaire, sometimes I feel like your detailed responses lower the I.Q. of everyone here!

 _COURFEYRAC enters from his bedroom, with a sexy-looking girl._

 **COURFEYRAC** : I'm glad you had fun too. I'll call you later tonight make sure you got home ok!

 **GIRL** : Ok hot stuff!

 _GIRL exits through the front door, passing by Lesgles who is not in the least surprised._

 **LESGLES** : Hey Courf, aren't you forgetting something?

 **COURFEYRAC** : What would I forget?

 **LESGLES** : You forgot to leave a sticky note with a number on her back so you can remember which one she was.

 **COURFEYRAC** : Nah I don't think I'll see her again. She pulled the "New Phone Who Dis?" trick on me when I called.

 **PROUVAIRE** : Oh come on she was just playing with you. She wouldn't have forgotten.

 **COURFEYRAC** : I called her on Skype.

 **ENJOLRAS** : ( _continuing to read newspaper_ ) I'm surprised she actually knew how to fake it the whole 7 minutes.

 _JOLY enters from the bathroom in a towel after his shower._

 **BAHOREL** : Hey, guys! Do you mind? I'm trying to figure this thing out!

 **JOLY** : It's o.k., Bahorel. Just remember the number 8, does not appear in the word incorporate.

 _BAHOREL responds by spitting his gum at JOLY, hitting him right on the arm. JOLY shrieks and yanks the gum off of it._

 **JOLY** : You're evil, you know that Bahorel! I just showered! You suck!

 _JOLY storms back into the bathroom. Combeferre walks in the front door next. At this point, Enjolras crumples up his newspaper and throws it away._

 **COMBEFERRE** : :What happened, Enjolras? The Patriots lose again?

 **ENJOLRAS** : Very funny!

 _COMBEFERRE notices BAHOREL is struggling with something._

 **COMBEFERRE** : O.k., what's the problem today Bahorel?

 **BAHOREL** : I can't log into my account. I wrote it down last time, and I have it right here in front of me and I've been very careful. I typed in every character one at a time, and I just cannot log in!

 _COMBEFERRE approaches and looks over on the screen, followed by the keyboard._

 **COMBEFERRE** : Turn off your caps-lock.

 _BAHOREL does so, and in no time, he expresses a look of satisfaction._

 **BAHROEL** : Thanks 'Ferre!

 **COMBEFERRE** : No problem. So what's on the menu, Prouvaire?

 **PROUVAIRE** : So, how was work, Combeferre?

 **COMBEFERRE** : It was o.k. What's on the menu?

 **PROUVAIRE** : ...Hey, Lesgles did the band do well today?

 **LESGLES** : Yeah the gig is this weekend. What's on the menu?

 **PROUVAIRE** : ( _Pause_ ) Feuilly's hit lots of traffic did you know—

 **ENJOLRAS, BAHOREL, and JOLY (O.S.)** : Yeah we know! What's on the menu?

 **PROUVAIRE** : So... I kind of got sidetracked while I was at the mall-

 _The men grumble._

 **COMBEFERRE** : Chinese it is. Who's got the num—

 _ENJOLRAS holds up the Chinese menu without looking up from his iPad. Combeferre goes over to pick it up and looks at his screen._

 **COMBEFERRE** : Thanks. Oooh, I wouldn't do that if I were you. Save your resources to upgrade your weapons and ammunition.

 **ENJOLRAS** : Seriously? Every time you say it like that it makes me look like I'm an anarchist!

 **BAHOREL** : Are you playing a video game?

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _Sarcastically_ ) No, Bahorel, they messed up my order on Amazon so I got a freebie at the gun-shop.

 _BAHOREL looks dumbfounded as COMBEFERRE dials his phone._

 ***An 80's rock version of "Do You Hear the People Sing?" plays as the show's theme song***

 **THE BARRICADE BUDDIES**

 **Starring RAMIN KARIMLOO Enjolras.** (Enjolras reads the newspaper and rolls his eyes.)

 **NOAH REID as Combeferre.** (Combeferre is doing homework and unknowingly bites off half of his pencil and eats it.)

 **ZOOEY DESCHANNEL as Eponine.** (Eponine is doing her nails when she accidentally touches her hair to satisfy an itch then gets her fingers stuck.)

 **JOHN KRASINSKI as Courfeyrac.** (Courfeyrac is sitting at a bar nonchalantly checking out women passing by him.)

 **SETH GREEN as Feuilly.** (Feuilly is sitting at the diner bar looking depressed; down on his luck, before he has to put on a smile when a new customer walks in.)

 **ADAM SCOTT as Joly.** (Joly walks out of the bathroom just as Lesgles sneezes, causing Joly to casually walk back in.)

 **THOMAS SANDERS as Prouvaire.** (Prouvaire is in the kitchen with a bottle of sauce in his hands. He takes a wiff of it, pulls back in disgust before pouring it into his mixing bowl.)

 **CHRIS PRATT as Lesgles.** (Lesgles is sitting at a table opening up a fortune cookie, accidentally cutting himself in the process.)

 **STEVE HOWEY as Bahorel.** (Bahorel is crouching down to tie his shoe, but appears to have extreme difficulties.)

 **OFFICER DANIELS as Javert** (Javert is sitting in his police car with his binoculars and eating a donut)

 **TIM CONWAY as Mabeuf** (Mabeuf is seen letting huge amounts of salt pouring into the soup pot)

 **With TAYLOR BALL & ELLIE KEMPER as Marius & Cosette. **(Marius and Cosette are sitting on the couch cuddling, while everyone else throws popcorn at them.)

 **And JAKE JOHNSON as Grantaire** (Grantaire pours a vodka shot into a tiny shot glass, then chugs the whole bottle.

 **SCENE 02: LIVING ROOM; INT; NIGHT**

 _ENJOLRAS, LESGLES and COMBEFERRE are on the couch reading their textbooks. GRANTAIRE walks in the front door aggravated._

 **GRANTAIRE** I seriously cannot stand people anymore.

 **COMBEFERRE** What happened?

 **GRANTAIRE** I got stiffed by at least 13 different customers.

 **LESGLES** Who keeps track of stiffers?

 **ENJOLRAS** Usually the morgue or the condom consumer committee.

 _GRANTAIRE storms into the kitchen._

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh come on, Grantaire it's only your first week. You can't expect to be the world's greatest bartender overnight!

 **GRANTAIRE** Oh I know... I just would like to be acknowledged for my drinks. I mean I make pretty good drinks right you guys?

 _ENJOLRAS, LESGLES, and COMBEFERRE look at each other in awkward silence._

 **LESGLES** Sure!

 **ENJOLRAS** Yea of course!

 **COMBEFERRE** Yeah that Virgin on the Rocks you made the other day was really good!

 **GRANTAIRE** ( _Defensive_ ) That was supposed to be a LONG ISLAND ice tea!

 _GRANTAIRE runs off to one of the doors and slams it shut._

 **ENJOLRAS** Closet.

 _GRANTAIRE walks out and approaches the next door._

 **LESGLES** Bathroom.

GRANTAIRE Why the hell do we have so many doors?!

 _GRANTAIRE storms off into his room._

 **LESGLES** Honestly, why can't we just tell him he's better at drinking alcohol than serving it?

 **COMBEFERRE** We're trying to get him to sober up. Remember?

 **ENJOLRAS** Yeah and how is that going exactly?

 **COMBEFERRE** You found the bottles didn't you?

 **ENJOLRAS** Our room is the only one that has a light-switch the furthest away from the door. Pitch black when I'm ready to go to bed. You think I got this bruise on my head by slipping on an orange peel just because they ran out of bananas?

 **COMBEFERRE** O.K. so maybe this is trickier than we thought.

 **LESGLES** We just need to find something that he knows like riding a bike.

 **ENJOLRAS** Creating customized drinking games do not count as a profession.

 **COMBEFERRE** Is there anything he can do?

 _EPONINE walks out of her bedroom. COMBEFERRE takes a deep breath._

 **EPONINE** Hey guys. Can't sleep either?

 **LESGLES** Nope. Trying to figure out a career path for Grantaire, since bartending isn't exactly working out for him.

 **EPONINE** Is there anything he can do professionally?

 **COMBEFERRE** He's the only one out of all of us that still has an identity crisis and thinks he can solve it by chugging it.

 _EPONINE thinks for a moment. COMBEFERRE tries to steal a look every so often without it being obvious._

 **EPONINE** Think he can do volunteer work?

 **LESGLES** Like what?

 **EPONINE** Like maybe he can work at a soup kitchen? I mean it wouldn't pay but it could get him out of the house.

 **ENJOLRAS** Hey, I'm o.k. with ANYHTING at this point while I still have a functioning head.

 **EPONINE** A functioning what?

 **LESGLES** and **COMBEFERRE** Don't ask.

 **SCENE 03: SOUP KITCHEN; INT; DAY**

 _EPONINE and GRANTAIRE arrive at the soup kitchen. They see the Manager, Mister MABEUF._

 **EPONINE** Mr. Mabeuf?

 **MABUEF** 'Ponine! Haven't seen you in a while! How are you?

 **EPONINE** I'm good. I actually have a favor to ask of you. My friend here, is Grantaire. He was wondering if he can help volunteer here.

 **MABUEF** I don't see why not.

 **EPONINE** Great! See you later, Grantaire!

 **SCENE 04: LIVING ROOM; INT; NIGHT**

 _COMBEFERRE and EPONINE are sitting on the couch by themselves, watching T.V. and eating popcorn._

 **EPONINE** Who do you think did it?

 **COMBEFERRE** The suspect is usually not among them. It has to be a twist.

 **EPONINE** Wait... shut up he's about to say it!

 _They wait for an answer, when the T.V. cuts abruptly to a commercial. COMBEFERRE and EPONINE shout in anger._

 **EPONINE** I can't believe this! Now we have to wait until next week!

 **COMBEFERRE** They seriously couldn't cut to commercial the second the murderer's announced?

 _COMBEFERRE flips the channel. EPONINE gets up._

 **EPONINE** Want more popcorn?

 **COMBEFERRE** I'm good.

 _As EPONINE walks away, COMBEFERRE takes another deep breath._

 **COMBEFERRE** What do you want to watch now?

 **EPONINE** I don't care. Rom-Com?

 **COMBEFERRE** Fine by me. I need to re-coop after that outrage.

 _EPONINE returns to the couch._

 **EPONINE** Didn't you have a date tonight?

 **COMBEFERRE** Maybe Courfeyrac does but not me. Just haven't had the time.

 **EPONINE** 'Ferre, if you're not here, you're at the college! You need to go out with someone already!

 **COMBEFERRE** I don't know what you'd expect. No one catches my interest...

 **EPONINE** ( _Sinking into her seat)_ No one?

 **COMBEFERRE** I mean... there is one girl that I've had a crush on for a while. But she doesn't know. Probably only considers me as a friend.

 **EPONINE** Awe, you won't know until you ask her out!

 **COMBEFERRE** I couldn't. She's probably interested in someone else.

 **EPONINE** Who is the Christine to our unfortunate Phantom?

 _The doorbell rings._

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _to himself_ ) Saved by the bell.

 _COMBEFERRE walks to the front door. EPONINE hugs her pillow. COMBEFERRE opens the door and there is OFFICER JAVERT and GRANTAIRE with his head hung low._

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh, hi Officer Javert.

 **JAVERT** Do you even want to know?

 **COMBEFERRE** Eh, it's only the seventh time this month.

 **JAVERT** Well, Grantaire here thought it would be funny to slip some alcohol into the soup pot.

 **EPONINE** Are you kidding me?!

 **GRANTAIRE** It wasn't that much!

 **JAVERT** It was the really strong kind. One of the visitors took one spoonful, and started going crazy.

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh my god. Were they like, convulsing?

 **JAVERT** No, he believed he was Moses, and tried to pick up two sidewalk tiles claiming they were the Ten Commandments. I witnessed the scene and could only conclude—

 **COMBEFERRE** Thank you, Officer. We'll take it from here.

 **JAVERT** For how much longer? He does Community Service and he's a threat to the community.

 _JAVERT leaves. GRANTAIRE slumps inside and sits on a chair. COMBEFERRE slams the door shut._

 **COMBEFERRE** A Soup Kitchen? Seriously?! Of all the places, you tried to liquor up a charity place?!

 **GRANTAIRE** It was just a bit of fun! It was only towards the end of the day.

 **COMBEFERRE** Yeah, but today it was Moses. Last week, that construction worker went crazy and thought he was a codebreaker.

 **EPONINE** Yeah what happened with that?

 **COMBEFERRE** They found him at the Louvre exclaiming he cracked Da Vinci's Code.

 **EPONINE** ( _Pause_ ) What kind of alcohol—

 **COMBEFERRE** Don't ask.

 **GRANTAIRE** Look I'm sorry if I just can't stay away from alcohol O.K.? Maybe the knowledge that I can't do anything right is what drives me to drink! Talking to you guys doesn't exactly help!

 **COMBEFERRE** Aw come on, Grantaire, there has to be something you can do.

 _BAHOREL opens up his door with a picture in his hands._

 **BAHOREL** Hey Grantaire, what is this painting you did doing in my room again?

 **GRANTAIRE** You asked me to make it for you, remember? Said it helps to calm your nerves.

 _EPONINE and COMBEFERRE look at each other, then it dawns on GRANTAIRE._

 **SCENE 05: SIDEWALK; EXT; DAY**

 _PROUVAIRE and GRANTAIRE are setup with a large table stand with a sign that says "$30 for a painting of your choosing!" Several already-made paintings are stacked up on the table._

 **PROUVAIRE** Come one! Come All! Why buy expensive paintings from dead artists when you can get the same quality for a cheaper price! And if we don't have what you need, for an extra 3 payments of $19.99 you can get a customized painting by the end of the week.

 _COMBEFERRE and EPONINE are watching from a distance._

 **COMBEFERRE** Looks like Grantaire has finally found his calling.

 **EPONINE** And he's not using Jack Daniels to add texture to his sunsets.

 **COMBEFERRE** Job well done! ( _high-fives EPONINE_ ) Oh by the way, we never finished our talk last night.

 **EPONINE** Oh yeah! You were going to tell me who your crush was that you're too chicken to ask out?

 **COMBEFERRE** I'm not chicken! I just don't know how she would react!

 **EPONINE** Well, just for the fun of it, pretend I'm her.

 **COMBEFERRE** What?

 **EPONINE** Pretend I'm the girl you want to ask out.

 **COMBEFERRE** Well...well, o.k. "Hey, Eponine…I was just-

 _EPONINE's phone starts buzzing._

 **EPONINE** Oh shoot! Can you just give me a minute? I have to take this. I'm sorry!

 _EPONINE walks off. COMBEFERRE just stands there, then leans against the wall. COURFEYRAC approaches him._

 **COURFEYRAC** Wet Paint!

 _COMBEFERRE jumps off the wall. COURFEYRAC starts lauging._

 **COURFEYRAC** Relax, 'Ferre! You can't paint bricks!

 **COMBEFERRE** Very funny. Can I help you?!

 **COURFEYRAC** Oh, you've already helped me. See, my phone died, and I'm out of change for a newspaper, so I thought I could entertain myself with this little melodrama that's taking place!

 **COMBEFERRE** Cut it out, Courf. She was only pretending. We were just running lines.

 **COURFEYRAC** Uh huh…

 _Meanwhile, around the corner…_

 **EPONINE** What was so important that you had to call me, Musichetta? (pause) Well no, I'm not mad. Except you called just when he was about to ask! Well I can't now! The moment's ruined…I have to be sneakier next time! Thanks a lot!

 _EPONINE hangs up her phone. At the table stand, JOLY approaches GRANTAIRE who is busy with his painting._

 **JOLY** Grantaire? I didn't know you painted!

 **GRANTAIRE** Joly! How nice to see you!

 _GRANTAIRE goes to shake JOLY's hand. When he lets go, Joly sees wet paint on his hand._

 **JOLY** Seriously?! Of all substances?! If this doesn't come off you're buying me new hand sanitizers.

 _JOLY skulks away._

 **GRANTAIRE** Well, maybe next time, he'll remember personal space when I'm working. So unprofessional!

 **FADE OUT**


	2. Episode 01: Well this is Awkward

**Fade In:**

 **SCENE 01: Living room; int.; day**

 _A spacious living room surrounded by six doors and a kitchen/dining room. GRANTAIRE is sitting on the couch making sketches. PROUVAIRE is in the kitchen making sandwiches and putting them in brown paper bags. ENJOLRAS is on his laptop, shaking his head. COMBEFERRE walks in from his bedroom_.

 **COMBEFERRE** : Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?

 **ENJOLRAS** : They actually gave me off today.

 **COMBEFERRE** : What happened? One political opinion too many?

 **ENJOLRAS** What's wrong with having a political opinion where I work?

 **PROUVAIRE** Oh, nothing wrong, I think it's great being an article writer for Fox News.

 _FEUILLY enters from his room in his diner uniform._

 **FEUILLY** Well, I'm off to work.

 **COMBEFERRE** You can just say you're going to an audition, buddy. Cat's out of the bag.

 **FEUILLY** ( _pause_ ) I haven't gotten that stereotypical have I?

 **COMBEFERRE** Well, you're going off to work at the Musain Diner. You get paid lousy. You've been there for at least two years. My other guess would've been Med School.

 **JOLY (O.S.)**

I heard that, you nasty ignorant stuck-up twit!

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _to JOLY_ ) You can't have stereotypes without authenticity! We've talked about this!

 **PROUVAIRE** Says the one who's all dressed up ready to face the world, challenge the young, and all the while, fill in for the main teacher who called out sick.

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _Pause_ ) Break a leg, Feuilly.

 _COMBEFERRE and FEUILLY take their sandwich bags and leave._

 **GRANTAIRE** Why couldn't you just tell him that you got fired?

 **ENJOLRAS** That's the difference between him and the rest of the entire house. Sure, Prouvaire loves to keep house for us. Joly is always concerned for our health. But Combeferre is the only one out of all of us that actually has some bit of morality left in him besides me. ( _GRANTAIRE rolls his eyes_.) Hey, if he found out I got fired instead, he'd never let me live it down.

 **GRANTAIRE** Not all of us are morally corrupt, Enjolras.

 _COURFEYRAC exits his room with visible hickies all over his chest. He has clearly just woken up._

 **COURFEYRAC** Has anyone seen a hot blonde? 5ft, 8in, hourglass figure?

 **PROUVAIRE** She left half an hour ago. Said something about needing to get to the college early.

 _COURFEYRAC panics and returns to his dressing room. ENJOLRAS turns to GRANTAIRE._

 **ENJOLRAS** Not all of us corrupt, huh?

 **PROUVAIRE** Edgar Allen Poe presents "The Fall of the House of Decency!"

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 ***An 80's rock version of "Do You Hear the People Sing?" plays as the show's theme song***

 **THE BARRICADE BUDDIES**

 **Starring as RAMIN KARIMLOO Enjolras.** (Enjolras reads the newspaper and rolls his eyes.)

 **NOAH REID as Combeferre.** (Combeferre is doing homework and unknowingly bites off half of his pencil and eats it.)

 **ZOOEY DESCHANNEL as Eponine.** (Eponine is doing her nails when she accidentally touches her hair to satisfy an itch then gets her fingers stuck.)

 **JOHN KRASINSKI as Courfeyrac.** (Courfeyrac is sitting at a bar nonchalantly checking out women passing by him.)

 **SETH GREEN as Feuilly.** (Feuilly is sitting at the diner bar looking depressed; down on his luck, before he has to put on a smile when a new customer walks in.)

 **ADAM SCOTT as Joly.** (Joly walks out of the bathroom just as Lesgles sneezes, causing Joly to casually walk back in.)

 **THOMAS SANDERS as Prouvaire.** (Prouvaire is in the kitchen with a bottle of sauce in his hands. He takes a wiff of it, pulls back in disgust before pouring it into his mixing bowl.)

 **CHRIS PRATT as Lesgles.** (Lesgles is sitting at a table opening up a fortune cookie, accidentally cutting himself in the process.)

 **STEVE HOWEY as Bahorel.** (Bahorel is crouching down to tie his shoe, but appears to have extreme difficulties.)

 **GRAHAM PATRICK MARTIN** (Combeferre is tutoring Gavroche. When he spots Gavroche on the phone, Combeferre whips out his spray bottle of water and sprays it on Gavroche.)

 **With TAYLOR BALL & ELLIE KEMPER as Marius & Cosette.**(Marius and Cosette are sitting on the couch cuddling, while everyone else throws popcorn at them.)

 **And JAKE JOHNSON as Grantaire** (Grantaire pours a vodka shot into a tiny shot glass, then chugs the whole bottle.

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 **SCENE 02: COMBEFERRE's CLASSROOM; INT; DAY**

 _COMBEFERRE walks in, disheartened, and unenthusiastic about being a substitute teacher. He enters the classroom full of Sophmores. He plops his suitcase on the desk and gets comfortable._

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _Spoken very quickly, with no energy_ ) O.K. Class, my name is Mr. C. and let's just skip to the point. You hate this class, I hate my life, let's just pretend we're all here and move on!

 **FIRST STUDENT** Excuse me, Mr. C?

 **COMBEFERRE** Yeah, Black T-Shirt?

 **FIRST STUDENT** It's just, we were supposed to learn about the Fall of the Alamo today.

 **COMBEFERRE** O.k. I'll break it down for you. The Alamo was a makeshift border patrol, thousands of illegal Mexicans breached the wall and all the guard patrols were killed, including Colonel Sanders and Floating Buoy.

 **SECOND STUDENT** I thought it was Colonel Travis and Jim Bowie.

 _COMBEFERRE bangs his head on the desk._

 **COMBEFERRE** I can't do this. Anyone got Amazon Prime?

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 _Cut to COURFEYRAC's college classroom. COURFEYRAC walks into the classroom and takes a seat next to MARIUS._

 **MARIUS** Wow, thought you weren't gonna show! The teacher hasn't shown up yet.

 **COURFEYRAC** Eh, I know! I went to a party last night with this really hot chick! Like, she was smoking hot! After a few drinks she asked me whether it would be her place or mine! I can't remember how the decision was made, but we wound up at my place. I overslept and she was gone.

 **MARIUS** Damn. Does she have your number?

 _Just then, a very attractive woman enters the classroom. COURFEYRAC's eyes widen. She settles her suitcase on the desk in front of the class._

 **Prof. MAGLIORE** Good morning class, I am your Sociology Professor…

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _aside, to MARIUS_ ) Oh she's got my number alright! And I don't mean my cellphone!

 _COURFEYRAC shrinks in his chair as the Professor with whom he spent the night before continued her discussion and paid no attention to him._

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 _Cut to COMBEFERRE's Classroom. The projection is setup, connected to COMBEFERRE's laptop. The class is watching "The Alamo" 1960 with John Wayne. Gunshots and cannon fire can be heard in the audio speakers. One of the Students closest to COMBEFERRE's desk._

 **THIRD STUDENT** Are you sure we're learning from this? This isn't the most accurate—

 **COMBEFERRE** No movie ever is. But it's free, it's taking the load off of me, so sit back enjoy it and shut up.

 _The school bell rings. The class begins gathering their stuff._

 **COMBEFERRE** O.K. If your regular teacher asks about what you learned about the defenders, just remember. Everybody dies. The end.

 _GAVROCHE hesitates for a few moments then gathers his books and approaches COMBEFERRE's desk._

 **COMBEFERRE** I'm legally prohibited from rigging the quizzes so don't bother.

 **GAVROCHE** Uh…actually, no it wasn't that. I was just stopping by to see what's up, man!

 **COMBEFERRE** Ugh…why? Surely you have friends. People that you can actually talk to and have some level of respect.

 **GAVROCHE** Oh come on! People respect you.

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh really? Yesterday I asked the Janitor for a stick of gum. He told me to get a real job. That right there, is the nutshell of Substitute Teacher pains.

 **GAVROCHE** Hey, man…I'm sorry for your pains. That's gotta like, suck man.

 **COMBEFERRE** Eh, what do you want anyway?

 **GAVROCHE** Well, I thought I saw you a couple of times when I was hanging out with my sister.

 **COMBEFERRE** She's not under 18 is she? Because right now you should just stop talking before I end up dropping soap for a living.

 **GAVROCHE** Nah, man. My sister, Eponine? I'm her little brother, Gavroche?

 _COMBEFERRE's eyes widen._

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh my god. How come I haven't seen you around before?!

 **GAVROCHE** Eh, I usually just keep to myself in my room. I usually don't talk to pretty much anyone.

 **COMBEFERRE** You're not one of those angst-filled teenagers that's filled with more contradiction than a Dan Brown novel are you? You're certainly talkative now.

 **GAVROCHE** Nah, trust me. If there wasn't anything in this for me, I would've already left. But I do need the extra $40.

 **COMBEFERRE** $40? For what?

 **GAVROCHE** Yeah, Eponine offered me $40 to come up to you and ask you…something. Ah, crap. I forgot what it was. If only I could remember. She said it was very important. She needed to talk to only you about it…

 _COMBEFERRE fumbles in his pocket, jumps out of his chair and hands GAVROCHE $40._

 **COMBEFERRE** Here! Here's $40 right here. You think you remember now?

 _GAVROCHE snatches the money._

 **GAVROCHE** Oh yeah! Now I remember. Uh, wait…no it wasn't Eponine. It was Courfeyrac. We made a bet to see how you would react to something urgent from Eponine. He bet $40 that you would. And now, I don't have to worry about paying my own cash! You should've seen the look on your face!

 _GAVROCHE leaves the classroom. COMBEFERRE is left with his jaw dropped._

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 _COURFEYRAC's class is gathering their books and walking out the class. COURFEYRAC approaches PROF. MAGLIORE._

 **COURFEYRAC** Excuse me, um…Professor?

 **PROF. MAGLIORE** Oh, Hi Courf!

 _COURFEYRAC checks the rest of the room to make sure everyone left._

 **COURFEYRAC** Why didn't you tell me last night that you were going to be my class instructor?

 **PROF. MAGLIORE** ( _deep sigh_ ) I'm sorry Courfeyrac. If I had known that you would be one of my students, I wouldn't have slept with you. That's why I paid no attention to you. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

 **COURFEYRAC** Oh, it was just a lack of communication. Besides, it was only the night before the first day of semester, so neither of us could've known!

 **PROF. MAGLIORE** Yeah! And don't worry. I won't say anything if you won't. It was just a mishap, and we'll just acknowledge it and move on!

 **COURFEYRAC** Exactly. Besides, I may have been prone to one night stands, but I do have a small set of standards. I have no problem sleeping with a slightly old…( _pause, gets a glare from PROF. MAGLIORE_ ) slightly more mature woman, but if it involves a teacher of mine, it just makes everything so…wrong.

 **PROF. MAGLIORE** So what, you're saying you have regrets?

 **COURFEYRAC** Oh, don't get me wrong, Professor! Trust me you were great! I just don't have the mentality to be caught in all the drama if this got out of hand.

 _PROF. MAGLIORE smiles. COURFEYRAC gets his books._

 **COURFEYRAC** Well, I'll see you next week, Professor.

 _COURFEYRAC walks outside where he meets MARIUS._

 **MARIUS** Did you really feel morally guilty about sleeping with your Professor?

 **COURFEYRAC** Oh god no I only said that to make her feel better about being such a bad sex partner! God! Never again!

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 **SCENE 03: LIVING ROOM; INT; EVENING**

 _COMBEFERRE and EPONINE are sitting in the living room watching T.V. catching up from last week's episode._

 **EPONINE** O.K. This has got to be it. They have to reveal who did it now!

 _They sit at the edge of the couch, when suddenly a loud explosion is heard coming from the screen._

 **COMBEFERRE** They blew up the whole police station?! Are you kidding me?!

 **EPONINE** That's it! I'm done with NBC!

 _COURFEYRAC walks in the front door. COMBEFERRE and EPONINE share a glance and then approach him._

 **EPONINE** Hey, so. What happened today?

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _Defensive_ ) What? Nothing happened! Who said anything happened?!

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh, just an old friend of ours. He's got some real dirt on you!

 **COURFEYRAC** Look, I don't know what Marius told you, but none of it is true!

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh yeah. He told us all about it. I mean, he did witness the whole thing!

 **EPONINE** ( _Serious_ ) You know, Courf, I don't really appreciate this kind of behavior coming from you. I'm kind of hurt, and my trust is broken. It'll take a long time before I can trust you again.

 **COURFEYRAC** Look, I don't expect to earn your trust! Everybody knows I'm untrustworthy! But I could seriously get in so much trouble if this gets-

 **EPONINE** Just pay Combeferre his $40 bucks and all will be forgotten.

 _COURFEYRAC glares at COMBEFERRE. COMBEFERRE extends his hand. COURFEYRAC sighs and gives back the $40._

 **COURFEYRAC** Fine. You win. But seriously, promise me you won't tell anyone?

 **COMBEFERRE** Courfeyrac, you know I am a man of character. My silence cannot be bought. However, now that I have my $40 back I am in a very charitable mood. Consider everything we talked about tonight, forgotten!

 **COURFEYRAC** Aw thanks, 'Ferre! You're awesome!

 _COURFEYRAC exits into his bedroom._

 **EPONINE** What the heck does Marius have on him?

 **COMBEFERRE** Who cares? Reverse Psychology is a bitch!

 **EPONINE** I cannot believe he made a bet with Gavroche. What was it even about?

 **COMBEFERRE** Eh, Gavroche tricked me into thinking that you paid him to tell me that you needed to talk to me.

 **EPONINE** And you believed him? You do know we have cell-phones. You could've just texted me asking me "what's up".

 **COMBEFERRE** I clearly wasn't thinking. (pause) Besides, I didn't want to bother you with my daily burdens anyway.

 **EPONINE** Oh yeah? What daily burdens? What gets you down?

 **COMBEFERRE** Well, you know. ( _pause. EPONINE leans forward_.) How I hate my job. ( _EPONINE slumps back in her seat in disappointment._ ) How I get no respect from my students or staff members. I swear, every day I'm there, I get more and more miserable.

 **EPONINE** Awe. You should write a play about your struggles. We'll call it, "The Miserable Ones".

 _COMBEFERRE ponders the idea, and then he shrugs._

 **COMBEFERRE** Eh, it'll never work.

 _COMBEFERRE flips the T.V. Channel._

 **T.V. Announcer** And now, back to your regular programming…right after these messages!

 **COMBEFERRE** OH COME ON!

 **EPONINE** THEY'RE NOT EVEN TRYING!


	3. You saw her first She's Mine

**Fade in** :

 **SCENE 01: Living room; int.; day**

 _COURFEYRAC and EPONINE are on the couch with their backs turned against each other. COMBEFERRE enters from the bathroom after having brushed his teeth and changed into his pajamas. He stops to see the two on the couch._

 **EPONINE** Oh, 'Ferre! Thank God you're here! I was hoping you could settle an argument between Courf and I!

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _sighs_ ) Courfeyrac we've been through this, and it's no longer a trend. The damn dress is white and gold!

 **COURFEYRAC** She doesn't mean that, Colombo. ( _mutters under his breath_ ) But it's still blue and black.

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh I see. Well the answer is, the egg. The egg came before the chick—

 **EPONINE** Not that either! We are trying to see which is more painful! Giving birth, or getting kicked in the junk.

 _COMBEFERRE looked at the two of them in bewilderment. COURFEYRAC holds up his hands in defense._

 **COURFEYRAC** Hey I've been trying to tell her! It's definitely getting kicked that's more painful!

 **EPONINE** Yeah but I have friends who said that being in labor was the most excruciating experience they've ever had!

 _COMBEFERRE sighed and took a seat on the couch in between them._

 **COMBEFERRE** O.K. Eponine, I've always considered you a way better friend than Courf.

 **COURFEYRAC** I'm right here!

 **COMBEFERRE** I'm not done! Anyway, I said that you're my better friend, and that is why I really hate to say it, but Courfeyrac is actually right in this case.

 **COURFEYRAC** Hallelujah!

 **EPONINE** ( _trying to maintain her composure_ ) Combeferre, I would normally be not talking to you right now, but because you respect my friendship so much, I will hear your explanation.

 **COMBEFERRE** O.K. Here it is. So a woman gets pregnant. Right? Sometimes the pregnancy can be a little painful. Labor is another category of pain. You don't have to be a woman to hear the authenticity in their screams.

 **COURFEYRAC** Yeah, can't argue with that!

 **EPONINE** Go on.

 **COMBEFERRE** And when all is said and done, the baby is born and all is well. Then, maybe sometime later, maybe within a few months or a year or two, the woman may have a thought and say "You know, it would be nice to have a second baby".

 **EPONINE** That's not always the case.

 **COMBEFERRE** Some women are different. Some won't want a second child. But the choice is there. Have you ever kicked a man in his junk, and then a day later he says "You know, it would be nice to have another kick"?

 _EPONINE's face drops. COURFEYRAC jumps up and does his little "I-Told-You-So" dance in front of her._

 **COMBEFERRE** Sorry, 'Ponine! I wish I was on your side for this one.

 **EPONINE** What about a woman's monthly visitor?

 _COURFEYRAC stops dancing_.

 **COMBEFERRE** Courfeyrac you look like an idiot. Have you ever seen a man kicked in the junk and then bleed like hell?

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 ***An 80's rock version of "Do You Hear the People Sing?" plays as the show's theme song***

 **THE BARRICADE BUDDIES**

 **Starring as RAMIN KARIMLOO Enjolras.** (Enjolras reads the newspaper and rolls his eyes.)

 **NOAH REID as Combeferre.** (Combeferre is doing homework and unknowingly bites off half of his pencil and eats it.)

 **ZOOEY DESCHANNEL as Eponine.** (Eponine is doing her nails when she accidentally touches her hair to satisfy an itch then gets her fingers stuck.)

 **JOHN KRASINSKI as Courfeyrac.** (Courfeyrac is sitting at a bar nonchalantly checking out women passing by him.)

 **SETH GREEN as Feuilly.** (Feuilly is sitting at the diner bar looking depressed; down on his luck, before he has to put on a smile when a new customer walks in.)

 **ADAM SCOTT as Joly.** (Joly walks out of the bathroom just as Lesgles sneezes, causing Joly to casually walk back in.)

 **THOMAS SANDERS as Prouvaire.** (Prouvaire is in the kitchen with a bottle of sauce in his hands. He takes a whiff of it, pulls back in disgust before pouring it into his mixing bowl.)

 **JAKE JOHNSON as Lesgles.** (Lesgles is sitting at a table opening up a fortune cookie, accidentally cutting himself in the process.)

 **STEVE HOWEY as Bahorel.** (Bahorel is crouching down to tie his shoe, but appears to have extreme difficulties.)

 **ANNA KENDRICK as Musichetta (Musichetta holds up her phone and takes a selfie while Joly and Lesgles are wrestling each other for her attention.)**

 **ZACH CREGGER as Montparnasse** **(Gavroche opens the front door and Montparnasse is there. Gavroche instantly closes the door on him.)**

 **With TAYLOR BALL & ELLIE KEMPER as Marius & Cosette.**(Marius and Cosette are sitting on the couch cuddling, while everyone else throws popcorn at them.)

 **And CHRIS PRATT as Grantaire** (Grantaire pours a vodka shot into a tiny shot glass, then chugs the whole bottle.

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 **SCENE 02: PATIO; EXT; DAY**

 _ENJOLRAS is sitting on his lounge chair with some paperwork. COMBEFERRE is sitting next to him reading a book. JOLY comes in with the mail._

 **JOLY** Hey Enjolras. I have some more hate mail for you. You really need to stop attacking Liberals.

 **ENJOLRAS** I was not attacking. I was simply calling them out on their double standards. If they take it as an attack, then I rest my case.

 **COMBEFERRE** What did you say this time?

 **ENJOLRAS** All I said was, if women really want to achieve equality in life, they need to stop lashing out on men for their issues.

 **COMBEFERRE** Doesn't seem like a lot for them to send hate mail though.

 **ENJOLRAS** Well then I did my little demonstration. "All men are pigs. We're for equality. Women should be above men in everything. We're for equality! Women will always be better than men. We're for equality!"

 **COMBEFERRE** Huh…Joly was the hate mail from Liberals or Feminists?

 **JOLY** If you wanna keep this show on the air, it's better you don't know.

 _The rest of the men walk out onto the patio._

 **JOLY** Oh! We got Valentine's Day cards! Bahorel? ( _passes a card to BAHOREL_.) Lesgles? ( _Throws a card at LESGLES_.) Courfeyrac? ( _Throws four cards at COURFEYRAC_.)

 **FEUILLY** How come Courf gets all the women?

 **COURFEYRAC** Because I'm that good?

 **LESGLES** Or it could be them returning the money he paid them saying it's counterfeit.

 _FEUILLY takes out his phone and starts tapping it, letting out an air-horn sound._

 **COMBEFERRE** You've been dying to use that app, haven't you?

 **FEUILLY** ( _laughs at first then moans_ ) I need a social life!

 **JOLY** One for Feuilly, one for Prouvaire, one for Grantaire, and…one for me!

 _COMBEFERRE sighs and continues to read his book._

 **COURFEYRAC** Awe cheer up, 'Ferre. I'm sure somebody meant to send you a Valentines card.

 **COMBEFERRE** Eh it doesn't bother me. I personally think it's too much of a capitalistic holiday anyway. No real meaning to it.

 **ENJOLRAS** There's the Combeferre I know and like!

 **COMBEFERRE** Ok you don't get to talk about your distaste for Capitalism. You got a V-Day card. Actually you have several!

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _holding up the hate_ mail.) How would you call these Valentine's cards?

 **COMBEFERRE** You're a Conservative Republican, and you've received hate mail from Liberals. That's a sign to you that you're doing your job right and that to you is a Valentine's Day card.

 _A Production Assistant walks over to PROUVAIRE and hands him a card before running back off. PROUVAIRE reads it._

 **PROUVAIRE** Okay, guys? This is from the legal team. We really need to lay off the political jokes if we wanna keep this show going.

 **COURFEYRAC** Okay, let's get back to the emergency at hand. Combeferre doesn't have a Valentine. This is serious!

 **COMBEFERRE** It's not THAT serious.

 **COURFEYRAC** It is to me! You need a love life, man! This whole…nerdy bookworm thing is unhealthy!

 **COMBEFERRE** What's unhealthy about my lifestyle?

 **COURFEYRAC** It's beginning to meddle into my love life! The last chick I brought home became too distracted with your Clive Cussler series!

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _pause_ ) How could she be distracted by something that's in my room? I thought you always use your room?

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _quickly changing the subject_ ) My point is, Combeferre, I worry about you. And deep down inside, I know you're feeling a little bit left out too, considering even Grantaire got a Valentine. ( _To GRANTAIRE_ ) Who did you get yours from anyway?

 **GRANTAIRE** Myself. ( _pause_.) What? I was playing this drinking game and somehow it involved sending out V-Cards as a Dare.

 **COURFEYRAC** Okay that didn't exactly help my case but-

 **COMBEFERRE** Look, it's fine. I don't care that I didn't get a V-Day card. I really don't. I need to be focusing on my career anyway, love is just the cock block of success.

 _COMBEFERRE gets up and walks inside the house._

 **FEUILLY** ( _Pause_ ) Did he seriously just say cock block?

 **ENJOLRAS** Congratulations, Courfeyrac. I had him the way I liked him for a good two minutes and now you corrupted him!

 **JOLY** ( _Reading his card, then seeing it was addressed to LESGLES_.) Oh sorry, Les! I must've gotten your card by accident. This one's from Musichetta.

 **LESGLES** ( _Exchanging cards_.) I got yours then!

 **JOLY** ( _Reading his, then doing a double take on the signature._ ) Wait!

 **LESGLES** Wait a minute!

 **BAHOREL** What's the problem?

 **JOLY** Our cards are both signed by Musichetta!

 **LESGLES** What the heck!

 **GRANTAIRE** Daayyyum! You mean she's polygamolistic?

 _They all look at Grantaire._

 **ENJOLRAS** Feuilly, did you let him binge watch the Sherman Brothers films again?

 **FEUILLY** I'm sorry! I had one film I needed to character study for an audition. I didn't think he'd find the whole stack!

 **JOLY** Musichetta wrote both of us a V-Day card? I thought she and I were dating!

 **LESGLES** I thought she and _I_ were dating!

 **ENJOLRAS** Did _either_ of you two ever talk about your dating lives with each other?

 **JOLY** It was only a couple of days ago. We went out Thursday night!

 **LESGLES** What?! So did we?!

 **PROUVAIRE** What is happening?

 **GRANTAIRE** ( _reading his card_ ) I don't know something about Shermans and Combeferre's cockblocking success and political correctness. "…to Grantaire. Happy Valentine's Day. Love, Grantaire!" Awe…I should send him a thank you text!

 _ENJOLRAS face palms_.

 **PROUVAIRE** Okay, it's quite obvious that she went out with both of you Thursday night. The best thing to do is to just confront her and ask her what the deal is, and then go from there!

 _GRANTAIRE's phone buzzes. He picks it up._

 **GRANTAIRE** Awe! Grantaire just sent me a text! That's so nice of him!

 **BAHOREL** ( _looking around_.) I better get out of here! The craziness could be infectious!

 _BAHOREL leaves._

 **JOLY** INFECTIOUS! OH GOD, Lesgles did you sleep with her? Or kiss her?!

 **LESGLES** Well…yeah but I mean…

 **JOLY** Oh god…I kissed her! On the mouth?! God I could have mouth STD's or something!

 **LESGLES** Oh so you think that just because I kissed her means that _you're_ infected?! What if it's the other way around?

 **JOLY** Trust me! There's no way that could happen!

 **LESGLES** What's that supposed to mean?!

 **COURFEYRAC** Guys! Come on! We have more pressing matters at hand!

 **JOLY** This isn't a pressing matter?

 **COURFEYRAC** Yeah, yeah so your lady friend's exploring her options between you and your best friend we've all been there! Look, the point is, Combeferre is clearly not okay with not getting a V-Day card. I know this because when he said he has to focus on his career, we all know that's a load of crap because he substitutes at a high school. The guy needs to get laid!

 _EPONINE opens the door in the background from a distance._

 **ENJOLRAS** Are you kidding, Courf? We all know he only has eyes for Eponine. We're already in the third episode and everybody knows that subplot's been established.

 _EPONINE stops and listens from a distance._

 **FEUILLY** Yeah but that's practically going nowhere. Neither one of them are making a move. If I have to wait for a second or third season before something happens, I'll make a requisition to pull the show off of .

 **PROUVAIRE** …and piss off a lot of people that are reading this fanfiction? No way! We should do something about this!

 **GRANTAIRE** Should we just set the two of them up on a date?

 _EPONINE's face perks up._

 **COURFEYRAC** Hold up! Combeferre's gonna be too preoccupied with thinking that there has to be some catch as to why he got the chance to go on a date with Eponine.

 **JOLY** So…we don't set him up with 'Ponine?

 _EPONINE sinks back._

 **COURFEYRAC** You didn't let me finish.

 _EPONINE perks up again._

 **COURFEYRAC** We just need to take him out to a singles night.

 _EPONINE throws her hands up in the air._

 **PROUVAIRE** Do you think it's coincidence that Valentine's Day falls on a weekend or is it because the ColonelTravis1836 has just gotten lazy?

 **COURFEYRAC** Who cares? Let's gather up all of our single female friends and throw them into the melting pot with our good friend, the Guide.

 **ENJOLRAS** Leave me out of this. He's my best friend and I want no part in getting him mixed in with your bad apples.

 **COURFEYRAC** Hey! Do I look like I would get myself involved with bad apples?

 **ALL THE BOYS EXCEPT HIM** Yes!

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 **SCENE 03: CORINTHE BAR**

 _A large group of singles are mingling in the crowd. The Les Amis Gang soon enter minus COMBEFERRE and JOLY. MRS. HUCHELOUP is the manager._

 **COURFEYRAC** Thanks for letting us setup this impromptu singles event, Mrs. H! You're awesome!

 **MRS. HUCHELOUP** No problem at all! Anything to make sure that little Guide of ours gets some!

 **FEUILLY** …Mrs. H, you're kind of like our second mother. Do you really need to say stuff like that?

 **COURFEYRAC** I normally would agree, but this situation begs to differ. She does make a good point.

 **PROUVAIRE** Courf, nothing ever gets by you morally does it?

 _COURFEYRAC shrugs his shoulders. LESGLES is seen with MUSICHETTA._

 **LESGLES** I am so glad that you chose me over that hypochondriac, 'Chetta. You would've spent half of your time trying to convince him you can't get Ebola from missing laundry day by one minute.

 **MUSICHETTA** ( _uncomfortable_ ) Umm…I never said that…

 **LESGLES** And I'm willing to bet it'll be impossible to have sex with him. If he so much as grabs onto your boobs, he's gonna get paranoid that he knocked you up.

 **MUSICHETTA** Lesgles…

 **LESGLES** Anyway, I'm gonna head over and get another drink. You want one?

 **MUSICHETTA** ( _Stopping herself from expressing her feelings_.) No I'm good.

 _LESGLES walks away from their table. COMBEFERRE and JOLY enter the front door._

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _Pause_ ) Joly, I thought you said there was a medical emergency here?

 **JOLY** ( _Clearly distracted by MUSICHETTA_. _Spoken very quickly_ ) Yeah I lied we're here to get you laid talk to you later bye!

 _JOLY runs off to MUSICHETTA. COMBEFERRE looks exasperated. COURFEYRAC approaches him._

 **COURFEYRAC** There he is! My man, Renassaince 'Ferre! Comb-Ferry! My Commie!

 **COMBEFERRE** …that last one sounded wrong.

 **COURFEYRAC** Point made! Anyway, let me show you around!

 _They go off into the crowd._

 **JOLY** I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to know that you're not going out with Lesgles the Luckless Looney!

 **MUSICHETTA** Yeah…about that—

 **JOLY** I mean…if you went out with him, you'll end up in a series of unfortunate circumstances.

 **MUSICHETTA** ( _thinking_.) Events?

 **JOLY** Yes this is. ( _MUSICHETTA does a double take on what he said._ ) And don't get me started on intimacy. I bet you his condom will break before he even opens the drawer, his luck is so bad!

 **MUSICHETTA** Joly before you go any-

 **JOLY** I'm loving our talk! Listen, why don't you stay here and keep looking your sexy self, and I will get us some drinks!

 _JOLY walks away into the crowd. LESGLES emerges from the crowd._

 **LESGLES** Honestly, can you imagine the service in this place! It is fantastic! Now what were we talking about?

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 **LIVING ROOM**

 _EPONINE is on the phone while lying on the couch painting her nails._

 **EPONINE** Yeah…yes Azelma! I know…well just flip a coin between you and Gavroche…okay, then do Rock Paper Scissors…Oh for crying out loud if it bothers you that much I'll order the pizza and choose the toppings myself!

 _EPONINE hangs up the phone. The doorbell rings. EPONINE looks up and looks back at her hands. She struggles to get up while trying to keep her nails dry and wobbles over to the door, indicating she's also done her toe nails. She opens the door and it is MONTPARNASSE_

 **EPONINE** ( _Rolling her eyes_.) Hi, 'Parnasse.

 **MONTPARNASSE** Hi, 'Ponine. Somebody threw this letter on my lawn, and I think it might be addressed to you? There's a lot of crossed out sentences inside/

 **EPONINE** ( _takes the letter from him_.) Wow it's actually unopened this time. What'd you do? Hold it up against a light?

 **MONTPARNASSE** Are you kidding? Lights are for amateurs! I use steam!

 _EPONINE rolls her eyes and slams the door on MONTPARNASSE's face. She takes the letter and opens it up. It is a Valentine's Card. She recognizes the handwriting as COMBEFERRE's. There is a lot of words crossed out, but she is still able to read the context. She blushes and holds the card to her chest, before realizing her nails are stuck to the card._

 **EPONINE** Aw Crap!

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 **CORINTHE BAR**

 _COURFEYRAC and COMBEFERRE are sitting at tables next to each other. There is a line of single girls waiting to talk to COURFEYRAC._

 **COMBEFERRE** I thought you said this was an attempt to get _me_ lucky? This seems to be a political endorsement as candidate for the biggest playboy this State's ever seen.

 **COURFEYRAC** In fairness, I was prohibited from inviting my female friends, these are all friends from the other roommates!

 _COMBEFERRE rolls his eyes. Meanwhile, JOLY and LESGLES both get drinks at the same time and approach the table where MUSICHETTA is sitting. They both stop in their tracks._

 **JOLY & LESGLES **What are you doing here?! I asked you first! I'm getting 'Chetta a drink! That's what I'm doing!

 **MUSICHETTA** Ugh! Guys! Stop! Let's all just sit down and talk about this!

 _JOLY and LESGLES glare at each other before getting an extra chair to sit with MUSICHETTA._

 **MUSICHETTA** Listen, I know it's my fault that both of you guys got a V-Day card from me. But I didn't think anything of it at the time. You guys should know me by now! I'm wearing a leather skirt and my cleavage is really smoking tonight! It's pretty obvious that I'm a flirt!

 **JOLY** So…do neither of us stand a chance with you?

 **LESGLES** I should've figured something like this would happen. I usually never stand a chance.

 _JOLY does a so-so gesture indicating that he's not exactly denying LESGLES's statement._

 **MUSICHETTA** Hey come on now! I never said neither of you stand a chance. But right now I'm just not really ready for a relationship. But I'm not shutting down either of you. Actually, does it even matter if both of you get a chance?

 _They both look at her._

 **MUSICHETTA** Okay, I'm going to be blunt. Right now, I'm just looking for a Friends with Benefits kind of thing. Would it bother either of you if I let both of you be those "Friends"?

 **JOLY** …you mean like a threesome?

 **MUSICHETTA** ( _disgusted_ ) Eww! What kind of a woman do you think I am! I have standards!

 _LESGLES looks at the camera bewildered. COURFEYRAC storms over and slaps LESGLES._

 **COURFEYRAC** NO! Don't you even dare! That's my thing!

 _JOLY opens his mouth to object but COURFEYRAC walks away._

 **MUSICHETTA** No what I mean is, would you two mind it if you took turns with me? I mean let's all admit I am hot. I really don't believe either of you would have a problem with taking turns on these ( _points to her chest_.)

 _JOLY and LESGLES look at her chest, then at each other and slowly nod in agreement._

 **JOLY** But who gets to tap that first?

 **LESGLES** We could flip a coin for it.

 **JOLY** Or a trivia challenge?

 **MUSICHETTA** Or maybe I text both of you at different times. That way neither of you know who goes first?

 _JOLY and LESGLES nod and shake hands._

 **LESGLES** Done deal! I am now in a polygamous friends with benefits thing.

 **JOLY** Now I've seen everything.

 _On the other side of the room, COMBEFERRE gets up to go._

 **COURFEYRAC** Wait where are you going?

 **COMBEFERRE** Home, Courf. I hope you and the others have fun.

 **COURFEYRAC** No wait, let me go. It isn't fair to you. I have no control over these girls.

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh please, like you have a real problem with that!

 **COURFEYRAC** Well on an emotional level I do have a problem with it. I'm just trying to vouch for you, 'Ferre! I worry about you.

 **COMBEFERRE** Well stop worrying about me! I told you I'm not ready for this kind of thing. And if I was, this is _not_ the way I want to go about it. I am not you, Courfeyrac. I have enough crap on my plate with my crappy job, my crappy salary, and my crappy self-esteem! The last thing I need is another category of crap that is meaningless hookups!

 **GRANTAIRE** ( _looking up from his Jack Daniels glass_.) With all that crap around, I wouldn't think that any hookups would be happening!

 _COMBEFERRE huffs and storms out of the bar._

 **PROUVAIRE** Courf…in the future, it might be a good idea if you weren't in the room when we try to fix 'Ferre up with someone.

 **COURFEYRAC** Aw come on! You guys have dates!

 **BAHOREL** Yea. Dates that got up from our table and stood in line for yours!

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 **THE HOUSE**

 _COMBEFERRE opens the front door and turns on the light. He is tired and disheartened. When he puts his keys on the hook he finds a sticky note on the wall. He picks it up and reads it._

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 **PATIO**

 _There is a table set up with a small table piece of red roses, and two lit candles. On the table are a few Chinese containers. Eponine is standing there in a slim red dress. Her hair is curled and shiny. She has red lipstick on._

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _Pause_.) What's this?

 **EPONINE** I found your letter, 'Ferre. Well…actually, 'Parnasse found it on his lawn. You must've not looked where you threw it out.

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _Exasperated sigh_ ) I'm sorry Eponine. I did intend to give you a Valentines card…but then I kept on screwing up in writing it and I didn't want to seem to awkward and stuff even though that's near impossible given who you're looking at…and at that point the card looked too messed up and-

 _EPONINE walks over to him while he's talking and kisses him on the lips._

 **EPONINE** You know…you're really adorkable when you try to justify yourself. ( _COMBEFERRE blushes._ ) And it was really sweet of you to put in the effort. So when I got the card I decided to just…I don't know…return the favor. ( _gesturing to the table_.) Eh…it's sort of last minute! I grabbed the table piece from the dining room and yanked a few roses from the Fauchelevants' garden from across the street…and I ordered Chinese because I didn't know when you'd be home and-

 _COMBEFERRE interrupts her by returning the kiss._

 **COMBEFERRE** Honestly? Just being here with you is the perfect Valentine's gift for me.

 **EPONINE** ( _smiling_ ) Me too.

 _The two of them sit down and pour the wine._

 **COMBEFERRE** Happy Valentine's Day.

 **EPONINE** You too.

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 **THE NEXT MORNING: COMBEFERRE's BEDROOM**

 _COMBEFERRE wakes up slowly, looks around and sees Eponine's head on his chest. He looks to the floor to find clothes scattered on the floor, and a used condom._

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _pause_ ) * _CENSOR BEEP_ * me.


	4. Director's Announcement

_COLONELTRAVIS1836 walks out onto the stage in front of the audience as the cheer his entrance._

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836** Thank you! ( _applause continues_ ) Thank you so much! ( _applause dies down._ ) Thank you. Yes, thank you all so much for coming out tonight is everyone excited? ( _Audience applauds louder_.) Great! Great, so am I! I cannot tell you how excited I am that we got this show on the air! It was not an easy trip. The writers hate my guts already. ( _Audience laughs_ ) Anyway, before we begin tonight's episode, I would like to address a couple of things. The casting may have confused some of you, so I will state the official cast billing of the show here tonight so we no longer have to be confused by the opening credits.

Ramin Karimnloo is Enjolras.

Noah Reid is Combeferre.

Zooey Deschannel is Eponine.

John Krasinski is Courfeyrac.

Seth Green is Feuilly.

Adam Scott is Joly.

Thomas Sanders is Prouvaire.

Steve Howey is Bahorel.

Jake Johnson is Lesgles.

Taylor Ball is Marius.

Ellie Kemper is Cosette.

Graham Patrick Martin is Gavroche.

Aubrey Plaza is Azelma.

Zach Cregger is Montparnasse.

Trevor Moore is Claquseous.

Officer Daniels is Javert

And Chris Pratt is Grantaire.

This is the full official cast. More characters will be announced alongside the actor playing them in future episodes.

( _Audience applauds_.)

Thank you. And now for the second point of this address, this show will do something that's never been done before here at Fanfiction Studios. We will be taking your questions that you have for the characters, and answering them in later episodes in a segment called "Ask the Barricade!" All you have to do is either leave a review with your question, or leave a PM to me, ColonelTravis1836, and be sure to use the hashtag "#AsktheBarricade" and we will be sure to include your questions in our next and future episodes! Now, without further ado, I am proud to present to you, the follow up episode, of "The Barricade Buddies"!

 _Audience applauds loudly as COLONELTRAVIS1836 exits the stage._


	5. About Last Night

**VOICE-OVER:** "The Barricade Buddies" is filmed before a live studio audience.

 **SCENE 01: LIVING ROOM: INT: DAY**

 _COURFEYRAC exits his bedroom with an ice pack on his head. ENJOLRAS and FEUILLY are eating their breakfast when they look over to him._

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _With a smug on his face_ ) Did somebody over-do it again?

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _holding his ice pack tight_.) Please stop talking.

 **ENJOLRAS** I don't know what you honestly would've expected. You tried to get Combeferre set up for a one-night stand, and yet here _You_ are clutching your head in post-night-on-the-town syndrome.

 **COURFEYRAC** Ugh! I'm going back to bed!

 _COURFEYRAC retreats to his bedroom. ENJOLRAS turns to FEUILLY._

 **ENJOLRAS** Where is everybody anyway?

 **FEUILLY** Uh let me see…Combeferre left early…so it was me with Bahorel, Grantaire, Joly, Lesgles, Courfeyrac, and Prouvaire. We couldn't fit everyone in my car so we put Prouvaire in the trunk and tied Grantaire securely on the roof. ( _Pause_.) CRAP!

 _FEUILLY runs outside. EPONINE emerges from her room with her hair messed up and clothes all disheveled._

 **ENJOLRAS** Morning, 'Ponine. Did you have a really bad nightmare last night?

 **EPONINE** …why?

 **ENJOLRAS** I don't think I've ever heard you scream so loud before.

 **EPONINE** Oh…yeah…it was…intense. Extremely…mind-blowing…intense. I'm not so sure what he—happened in the nightmare was legal. I'm…I'm gonna go take a shower now…surprised I can walk.

 _EPONINE wobbles over to the bathroom. ENJOLRAS picks up his newspaper and reads it, as COMBEFERRE quietly emerges from EPONINE's bedroom, and tip toes to his bedroom. As he opens the door, ENJOLRAS hears the door creak, and he turns over to see COMBEFERRE opening his door._

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _fake-yawning_ ) Oh…morning Enjolras.

 **ENJOLRAS** Morning. Wow…are you going out like that?

 **COMBEFERRE** What's wrong with it?

 **ENJOLRAS** Well…no offense, but you look really *CENSOR BEEP*-ed.

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _chuckling_.) You have no idea!

 _COMBEFERRE goes to the Kitchen to make coffee. FEUILLY comes back with PROUVAIRE as the two are dragging a passed out GRANTAIRE into the living room._

 **FEUILLY** …I said I was sorry!

 **PROUVAIRE** ( _panting from being inside the trunk all night_.) You…guys…are…evil! Seven…hours…in that trunk…I hate all of you!

 **ENJOLRAS** I'm surprised that Officer Javert hasn't spotted you or pulled you over.

 _FEUILLY and PROUVAIRE throw GRANTAIRE onto the couch with a hard thump._

 **FEUILLY** Oh he did see us. When he approached my car and saw Grantaire tied up on the roof, he put away his ticket book and just walked away. Just like that!

 **PROUVAIRE** It was...kind of hard…to hear…what was going on…since, you know I was thrown into the trunk! But I'm pretty sure I heard him say "I don't wanna know".

 _PROUVAIRE walks into his room._

 **ENJOLRAS** Sounds like it was definitely our group.

 _EPONINE emerges from the bathroom. COMBEFERRE grabs a cup of coffee for her and the two make their way to the door._

 **FEUILLY** Hey 'Ponine? ( _they stop_ ) What were you and Combeferre arguing about last night?

 _EPONINE and COMBEFERRE exchange glances._

 **EPONINE** What are you talking about?

 **FEUILLY** Well I heard you yelling at him. A lot. I think at one point, you called him a 'huge *CENSOR BEEP*'. Is everything okay with you two?

 _EPONINE and COMBEFERRE try to go along with it._

 **EPONINE** Uh…yeah! I just thought it was kind of mean that he didn't send me a V-Day card yesterday, and I called him a huge *CENSOR BEEP* because that's what he was. A huge…gigantic…*CENSOR BEEP*

 **COMBEFERRE** Yeah! That I was…and I was just trying to…get her to…loosen up! Yeah because she was so tight-UPTIGHT! Yeah. She was being really uptight and needed to just get the tension out…yeah…anyway…

 _COMBEFERRE's beginning to fumble on his words._

 **COMBEFERRE** …yeah anyway I'm gonna go for a ride—drive, and…uh…Eponine? I'm really sorry about last night…for being…um…so…I was gonna go…for a drive…and I would really lick it-LIKE it if you came along so we can bury the beef…bury the HATCHET! Um…it's…yeah.

 _COMBEFERRE lowers his head and runs out the door. EPONINE looks over to ENJOLRAS and FEUILLY. ENJOLRAS clearly knows what happened, but FEUILLY is confused._

 **ENJOLRAS** I won't say anything to Courfeyrac if you promise that from now on, you'll do the talking.

 **EPONINE** Couldn't agree more.

 _EPONINE walks out the front door. ENJOLRAS continues to read his book. FEUILLY sits there for a couple of minutes, then it dawns on him._

 **FEUILLY** HEY WAIT A MINUTE!

 _GRANTAIRE wakes up with a start._

 **GRANTAIRE** I SWEAR TO OFFICER I WAS NOT DRINKING GOD, BEER JAVERT!

 *****OPENING TITLES*****

 _ENJOLRAS and FEUILLY are cleaning up their plates in the kitchen._

 **FEUILLY** Weren't you home last night?! How could you have not seen that happening?

 **ENJOLRAS** I was wondering why she needed the house to herself just so she can get dinner ready. Eh…I'll never understand women.

 **FEUILLY** Do you think anyone else knows?

 **ENJOLRAS** Realistically, it's not our place to say, Feuilly. What they do is their business. I usually prefer to stay out of the know because sometimes it may be too much for my brain to handle this early in the morning.

 _JOLY walks into the Kitchen to get some coffee. He is extra chipper today._

 **JOLY** Morning, gang! Ah, I love the fresh scent of Maxwell House Coffee. ( _Looks directly at camera_.) It's good to the last drop!

 _ENJOLRAS and FEUILLY are looking at him funny._

 **FEUILLY** Joly, what are you doing?

 **JOLY** ( _Continues looking at the camera_.) Product Placement. This Fanfic's on a tight budget.

( _Sips his coffee._ ) Mmm, good stuff! I may come back for a second cup!

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _Pause_ ) But you never want a second cup of coffee.

 _FEUILLY responds by taking a glass of water and splashes it in ENJOLRAS's face._

 **ENJOLRAS** Ah, thanks buddy. I needed that.

 _MUSICHETTA enters the kitchen. She greets JOLY._

 **FEUILLY** Whoa, what's going on here, guys?

 **JOLY** ( _Still chipper_ )I still have no idea, guys! I woke up this morning and there she was, putting on her clothes! Whatever happened last night I really wish I could remember it!

 _JOLY kisses MUSICHETTA on the cheek and slaps her butt as he walks back into his room._

 **ENJOLRAS** Hmm…it looks like you made your decision. I hope Lesgles isn't too upset.

 **MUSICHETTA** …yeah about that.

 _LESGLES enters and hugs MUSICHETTA from behind_.

 **LESGLES** There's my hot and sexy little librarian.

 **MUSICHETTA** ( _poker faced_ ) I work at the Books-A-Million café.

 **LESGLES** ( _Still holding onto Musichetta_.) Eh close enough! I'm going to take a quick shower. Do you want to go out for lunch later today?

 **MUSICHETTA** I wish I could but I have work all day today. I just need to grab a cup of coffee and then I have to be out of here. I'm sorry sweetie.

 _MUSICHETTA kisses LESGLES_.

 **LESGLES** Awe it's ok. You do what you gotta do! And whenever you're ready to get all hot and heavy, you know where to find me!

 **FEUILLY** ( _Trying to avoid the awkwardness_ )Right here guys!

 **MUSICHETTA** Okay cutie. See you later!

 _LESGLES walks to his bedroom door. Offstage we can hear:_

 **JOLY** Morning, Lesgles!

 **LESGLES** Morning, Joly!

 _JOLY returns to the kitchen._

 **JOLY** Well I have to go to class today. Can I pick you up later for lunch?

 **MUSICHETTA** Sorry, I can't! I'm stuck at the café all day today. But I'd definitely love a raincheck!

 **JOLY** No sweat, Miss Hot-in-Bed. Catch ya later!

 _JOLY returns to his bedroom. ENJOLRAS and FEUILLY look at MUSICHETTA eye-wide._

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _flabbergasted_.) WHAT THE *CENSORBEEP* JUST HAPPENED?!

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 **SCENE 02: MUSAIN DINER; INT; DAY**

 _COMBEFERRE and EPONINE grab a table inside the Diner. They sit in awkward silence for a few mins._

 **COMBEFERRE** …Okay so about last night…

( _He waits for her to say something._ )

 **EPONINE** …I'm listening.

 **COMBEFERRE** …crap.

 **EPONINE** What?

 **COMBEFERRE** I was kind of hoping you'd cut me off with an "It's okay you don't have to say anything."

 **EPONINE** ( _Sarcastic_ ) Nice plan.

 **COMBEFERRE** Okay…then I'll just ask. What happens now?

 **EPONINE** What do you mean?

 **COMBEFERRE** I mean…Enjolras practically knows what went on between us last night. And Feuilly's kind of suspicious.

 **EPONINE** Jeez, 'Ferre you make it sound like what we did was a crime.

 **COMBEFERRE** No, but if Courfeyrac ever gets wind of this, it'll mess up our entire ecosystem.

 **EPONINE** Ecosystem?

 **COMBEFERRE** 'Ponine, how many boyfriends have you had?

 **EPONINE** Mine or other girls'?

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _Pause_ ) Didn't need to know that, but Yours.

 **EPONINE** Okay, five. They didn't last long, and the sex just got boring after that.

 **COMBEFERRE** And how many relationships have "I" been in?

 _EPONINE nearly spits out her coffee from laughing. COMBEFERRE glares at her._

 **COMBEFERRE** I guess that answers my question. My point is, last night Courfeyrac tried to get me set up with a one-night stand. He's been trying to do this for the past three years. Imagine his reaction if he ever gets wind of the fact that you were able to do in one night what's been taking the Playboy of the Amis three years? His ego will be questioned, and thus throwing our entire ecosystem out of whack!

 _EPONINE's eyes widen when she understands what he's talking about._

 **EPONINE** Oh my god! Remember what happened when Joly had his mental breakdown and stopped caring about getting sick?

 **COMBEFERRE** Yeah! The Ecosystem was so out of proportion Prouvaire couldn't tell the difference between sugar and salt!

 **EPONINE** Okay, but you have to admit, that chicken noodle soup he made did taste interesting when it was sweetened.

 **COMBEFERRE** Yeah. And the birthday cake he made for Lesgles? The one with the salt induced vanilla frosting?

 **EPONINE** Okay no one can know about this.

 **COMBEFERRE** Agreed. ( _Their breakfast arrives._ ) So…as long as we keep this to ourselves, and Enjolras and Feuilly are contained to our satisfaction, we should be alright!

 **EPONINE** Yeah…( _pause_ ) Side-note…was it good for you?

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh hell yea! ( _Realizes how overly enthusiastic he was for saying that._ )

 **EPONINE** Okay, you do realize there's no brownie points for being a kiss-up.

 **COMBEFERRE** Yeah I might be on edge from this experience. ( _takes the pitcher from their table and pours it into his cup and drinks it._ )

 **EPONINE** Wow…you _must_ be distracted; you just drank maple syrup.

 _COMBEFERRE spits out the syrup._

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 **SCENE 03: BOOKS-A-MILLION CAFÉ; INT; AFTERNOON**

 _MUSICHETTA is working at the register. Her friend CLEMENTINE is mixing the coffee._

 **CLEMENTINE** So let me get this straight! You got both of them so drunk last night, they have no memory of what happened in the interim?

 **MUSICHETTA** Listen, both of them started getting on my case on which of them I was gonna sleep with first. I had to think fast! I ended up sleeping on the couch at their place last night. Joly is the first to get up, so I staged it to look like I spent the night with him. And when I told him I needed to use the shower, I hurried over to Lesgles's room and did the same thing. And I'm sure they are both so hungover they'll never question it!

 **CLEMENTINE** ( _Pause_ ) And you're completely okay with playing polygamy?

 **MUSICHETTA** I wouldn't call it Polygamy. I'd call it… ( _gestures to their work_.) taking shifts! They take turns with me. As long as they are both satisfied that they get to have this ( _points to her body_ ) everyone is happy!

 **CLEMENTINE** And what do you get out of this?

 **MUSICHETTA** Haven't you ever wanted more than one guy fighting over you?

 **CLEMENTINE** ( _Pause_ ) Do cats count?

 **MUSICHETTA** Okay no more talking for you. It hurts your ego. ( _CLEMENTINE continues working, now with a depressed look on her face._ ) My point is, eventually, both men will feel the tension of pressure of not knowing who's the better lover. Eventually, both men will go above and beyond to prove they are the better match for me. Can you say "fancy dinners" and "new sports cars"?

 **CLEMENTINE** No…but I can say "Shallow"

 **MUSICHETTA** Oh come on! It was the latest craze in the 19th century!

 **CLEMENTINE** But hasn't it ever occurred to you that they could wonder what really happened?

 **MUSICHETTA** How could they possibly figure out what happened?

 _JOLY and LESGLES enter the café looking pissed._

 **CLEMENTINE** ( _Sarcastic_ ) I may be wrong, but it could be the possibility that they both tried bragging to each other about sleeping with you?

 **MUSICHETTA** ( _Pause_ ) Crap.

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 **SCENE 04: PATIO; EXT; EVENING**

 _ENJOLRAS is sitting on a lounge chair while COURFEYRAC is sitting in the Jacuzzi. He is still holding an icepack to his head._

 **ENJOLRAS** It's been almost twenty-four hours how can you still have a hangover?

 **COURFEYRAC** Eh…I don't know. I guess I was just stress-drinking because I'm getting worried about 'Ferre. And I would've thought that _you_ of all our friends should be worried too! You're his best friend. The two of you practically _founded_ the gang. You're the Riff to his Tony!

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _Pause_.) Considering what happens to both of them I'm not so sure how to take that statement.

 **COURFEYRAC** Look…it's obvious that 'Ferre hates his job. He wants to explore and do other things but he can't because the job market sucks, like it always does because _deus ex machina_.

 _COURFEYRAC looks at the camera._

 **ENJOLRAS** Well Combeferre is the smartest one of all of us. He's also the coolest minded person. I'm sure he'll come around and pull through this little dark spot eventually.

 **COURFEYRAC** But imagine how much stress will be taken off of him if he had a girlfriend, or better yet, just had regular hookups. He needs a way to destress. And his lack of a sex-life is starting to get _me_ down.

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _slowly raising his iPad to his face_.) Yep…

 **COURFEYRAC** Okay what's going on?

 **ENJOLRAS** Huh?

 **COURFEYRAC** Every time you have a dirty little secret, you raise your iPad or book or newspaper slowly to your face and hesitantly say "yep" or "…yeah".

 **ENJOLRAS** Look. I really don't think it should be our place to decide on how to run Combeferre's personal love-life ( _quickly stating_ ) Or Lack Thereof! ( _pause_.) As I was saying. He's smart and cool-minded enough that I'm sure he will find a way to resolve his stress.

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _Unconvinced._ ) Yeah you're definitely hiding something. And you know what?! I don't appreciate it one bit! Every time something around here unusual or exciting happens, I'm out of the room and as soon as I ask about it, everybody keeps to themselves! I always miss out on the juicy gossip!

 _COURFEYRAC sighs and puts his ice pack down and sinks into the water. His ears are underwater and he closes his eyes. EPONINE and COMBEFERRE enter from the side of the house._

 **COMBEFERRE** Where's Courf?

 **ENJOLRAS** In the Jacuzzi. He's getting into his zone right now so you two should be safe.

 **EPONINE** Okay good. So…has Feuilly figured out what's going on with 'Ferre and I?

 **ENJOLRAS** Took him awhile, but yes he unfortunately knows. But I had a talk with him and made sure that he does not tell anyone else. ( _Pause_ ) So…um…you two, huh?

 _EPONINE and COMBEFERRE shrug their shoulders._

 **ENJOLRAS** Is this gonna be a boyfriend/girlfriend thing yet or will that be next season?

 **COMBEFERRE** Well we talked about it, and we feel that for the sake of this household, we would just keep it as an off-the-record "friends with benefits" deal.

 **ENJOLRAS** Really? That's where you're going with this? You're already pissing off our followers by making it clear that you two like each other now you're gonna just do the "No Strings Attached" crap?

 **COMBEFERRE** Dude, we only have one follower, 4 reviews and 3 favorites.

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _Agitated_ ) And as soon as I figure out how to use it, I will follow it! We've been through this!

 **COMBEFERRE** Moving on…we saw Musichetta arguing with Joly and Lesgles. What was going on there?

 **ENJOLRAS** Oh they were both mad at her because she tricked both of them into believing they both slept with her when in actuality they didn't.

 **EPONINE** Well, it is technically both of their faults they kept on pushing her to make a decision last night. I probably would've done the same thing.

 **COMBEFERRE** Decision?

 **EPONINE** Yeah. She was gonna decide who she was going to sleep with.

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _Pause. COMBEFERRE is obviously confused._ ) And Both guys are okay with this?!

 **EPONINE** She told me that as long as they both got some booty, and that she gets all the attention, she could care less.

 **COMBEFERRE** So…you're saying they are in a threesome?

 **ENJOLRAS** No from what I've read in the last chapter, they're not in a threesome so much as they are "taking turns" with Musichetta. In other words, she's playing Polygamy and they're both on board with that.

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh…ok.

 **ENJOLRAS** So to sum things up short, you two are in a FWB arrangement, and Musichetta is rotating between Joly and Lesgles.

 **EPONINE** Anything else to report upon?

 **ENJOLRAS** Um…Prouvaire nearly burned down the house while he was trying a new recipe. Grantaire is _still_ passed out from last night. That's the third time this month I'm not gonna worry about it. Bahorel just signed up for night classes. Marius and Cosette are Facebook official. And Feuilly took a cab into the city for his latest audition.

 **COMBEFERRE** It's 1 in the morning how long has he been gone?

 **ENJOLRAS** Six hours.

 **COMBEFERRE** SIX HOURS?! I thought you made plans to go pick him up?!

 **ENJOLRAS** Yeah but Feuilly may have forgotten to take into account that I hate driving into the city.

 _EPONINE and COMBEFERRE grumble and run off into COMBEFERRE's car and speed off, racing to go pick FEUILLY up. COURFEYRAC emerges from the Jacuzzi after drifting off. There is uncomfortable silence between him and ENJOLRAS_

 **COUFEYRAC** I missed something juicy didn't I?

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _looking at his iPad._ ) You have no idea!


	6. Are We On the Same Page Here? (1)

**AUTHORS NOTE:**

 **SHOUTOUT to Guests: Eliza, Rose, and Bailey; BroadwayLover56, joeybob1324, and Smiles1998 for leaving reviews! You'll see your special nod in the very first segment of FanMail :D**

 **SCENE 01: FAUCHELEVENT RESIDENCE**

 _COSETTE FAUCHELEVENT is sitting on the Living Room couch working on her laptop. Her Mother, FANTINE is in the chair opposite her reading a magazine. COSETTE's cellphone rings._

 _She checks the Caller ID, frowns, and quickly excuses herself. FANTINE becomes suspicious and leans in to overhear the conversation COSETTE will have._

 **COSETTE** Hello? Yes…this is her. Oh, Hi Doctor Simplice! Yes…I…you got the test results? What did they say?

 _FANTINE's eyes widen._

 **COSETTE** Oh gosh… That bad? Well…how long before…eight months? Are you kidding?! Well, yeah I'm shocked…I didn't plan for _this_ to happen!

 _FANTINE gasps and runs into the den of her husband, VAL JEAN FAUCHELEVENT._

 **FANTINE** Val! We've got a problem!

 **VAL** What happened?

 **FANTINE** It's Cosette…something's happened!

 **VAL** Can you just tell me what happened and calm down? ( _proceeds to drink his glass of sherry._ )

 **FANTINE** She's on the phone with her doctor! She's Pregnant!

 _VAL JEAN spits out his sherry_

 **VAL** What?! How is this possible?! She's not even married! ( _FANTINE flinches. VAL JEAN stands up to console her._ ) Oh calm down, sweetie I didn't mean it that way. I'm sure someone made a mistake.

 **FANTINE** Oh, you think?! She's got so much ahead of her…this will ruin her life! My little baby girl!

 **VAL** Relax, sweetie. She's a grown woman now.

 **FANTINE** Oh god…if you think she's grown now wait eight months!

 _Meanwhile, in the other room, COSETTE is on the phone now with EPONINE._

 **COSETTE** I know, 'Ponine. It's ridiculous. I was so certain I would've passed that test. And now they're making me wait another eight months before I can take it again. It's stupid! I know! Yeah…but listen…yeah just remember I don't want my parents to know until I get accepted into the Nursing School. Yeah I want it to be a surprise. Oh…yeah I'm sure it'll be a shock for them!

 _COSETTE hangs up._

 ****OPENING CREDITS****

 **NANCY TRAVIS as FANTINE** ( _FANTINE is working at the computer. Behind her, MARIUS and COSETTE are sitting on the couch, when they are about to kiss. FANTINE pulls out her air horn and blasts it, startling the two._ )

 **NEIL FLYNN as VAL JEAN FAUCHELEVENT** ( _VAL JEAN opens the front door and invites JAVERT, GILLENORMAND, MABEUF, and THENARDIER inside his home for Poker Night. The door closes, then reopens, and we see VAL JEAN holding THENARDIER by the back of his shirt and throws him out of the house._ )

 **MARK ADDY as FATHER MYRIEL** ( _FATHER MYRIEL is giving wine to the church goers. He stops GRANTAIRE from taking a single sip and turning him away._ )

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 _VAL JEAN and FANTINE enter the Living Room where COSETTE resumes her laptop work. They slowly approach her as they take their seats. They silently observe her stomach to look for signs of a pregnancy._

 **FANTINE** ( _Pause_ ) Hi…Cosette.

 **COSETTE** Hi, Mom.

 **VAL JEAN** ( _Longer Pause_ ) Hi, Cosette.

 **COSETTE** Hi…Dad.

 **FANTINE** ( _Pause_ ) So…you got up abruptly to go into the other room to answer your phone. Everything ok?

 **COSETTE** Oh…yeah. That was Eponine. She…needed to go to the Doctor for her…Lyme disease. She wanted to let me know as soon as she could about her test results. But she didn't want anyone else to worry.

 **FANTINE** Oh…I see. And…is _she_ okay with…the results?

 **COSETTE** ( _Nodding_.) I'd imagine so. I don't know why she wouldn't be okay with the results.

 _FANTINE's face grows with sadness._

 **VAL JEAN** And…are _you_ okay with the…results?

 **COSETTE** Um…I don't know. I mean, I suppose it could've gone better. ( _FANTINE covers her mouth._ ) But it's not the worst news in the world.

 **VAL JEAN** She's right, dear. It could be worse. I mean, global warming could be reversed to strongly, and we'd end up having snow for a good…nine months. ( _Quickly looks at COSETTE for a reaction._ )

 **COSETTE** Yikes! ( _Pause_.) Well, unless there was something you guys needed to ask me, I need to start getting ready. Marius and I are going out tonight.

 **FANTINE** Well wait! What will the two of you be doing?

 **COSETTE** It's a nice day out today. I thought maybe he and I could go kayaking for a change.

 _FANTINE nearly chokes back on her tears as COSETTE walks upstairs._

 **VAL JEAN** Who's Marius?

 **FANTINE** Oh…he's Cosette's new boyfriend. They've been seeing a lot of each other.

 **VAL JEAN** ( _Scoffs_ ) Apparently.

 **FANTINE** ( _Upset_ ) Oh shut up!

 **IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII**

 **SCENE 02: AMIS RESIDENCE, LIVING ROOM; DAY**

 _The_ **"It's Fan Mail Time"** _song plays._

 _The Whole GANG is sitting around watching TV. PROUVAIRE enters from the Front Door._

 **PROUVAIRE** Hey everybody! Mail's here!

 **LESGLES** Oh crap, what did you say now, Enjolras?!

 **PROUVAIRE** Actually, it isn't hate mail this time. It's fan mail!

 **ENJOLRAS** Gee, Lesgles. Thanks for the benefit of the doubt!

 _PROUVAIRE goes to his seat and picks up the first envelope after passing out the others._

 **PROUVAIRE** This first one is from…some girl named Eliza. ( _Opens up envelope_ ). "This is AMAZING! It is so funny and I love the way that it was written! You are so creative and I would love to keep reading this!"

 **JOLY** Aww that's nice…wait who's it addressed to?

 _COLONELTRAVIS1836 runs onstage._

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836** Sorry guys! I think they wrote that one to me. ( _Snatches letter from PROUVAIRE._ )

 **COMBEFERRE** ( _Reading his envelope_ ) This one is from… "Broadwaylover56" ( _opens up and reads the letter_ ) "I love this story so much! Please update soon."

 _COLONELTRAVIS1836 snatches that one too._

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836** Sorry! I did make it clear to our audiences to send you guys the fan mail!

 **BAHOREL** ( _shrugging his shoulders before looking at his letter_.) This one is from "Rose". ( _opens it up_ ) "This is rich, this is just beautiful. Please please PLEASE keep going!"

 _BAHOREL just hands it to COLONELTRAVIS1836 before the latter starts moving._

 **JOLY** These fans are beginning to depress me.

 **EPONINE** Hey at least they're not TRASHING the show. Mine's from… "Bailey" ( _opens up envelope_.) "This chapter was so good and it was so funny!"

 **ENJOLRAS** What is everyone having trouble with understanding here?! This is a sitcom! These are EPISODES! NOT CHAPTERS!

 **JOLY** ( _Opening up his letter_ ) This one's from "joeybob1324" "I love this story and I can't get enough of it! You clearly know your stuff and I love what you've done with the whole thing! Keep writing, you clearly have a lot of talent!" ( _pause_ ) Wait a minute…

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836** ( _quickly snatching letter_ ) Ack! Sorry, this was addressed to the Titanic/LM story.

 **FEUILLY** Last one. Or should I just let ColonelTravis1836 open it up? ( _COLONELTRAVIS1836 motions for FEUILLY to open the letter._ ) From "Smiles1998"… "You just got yourself a fan! This is hilarious and I can't wait for the next episode! :-)"

 **ENJOLRAS** Hallelujah! Someone got the memo!

 _COLONELTRAVIS1836 takes the last letter_.

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836** I really am sorry everyone! I was hoping that you as the characters would get some fan mail or we could do some Q&As or something. You know, keep the reviews coming in? ( _Looks directly at camera_ ) If you or a non-fanfiction account holder have a question or have something you want addressed to any of the characters, please feel free to either leave a review on this page, or send me, ColonelTravis1836 a PM, and we will be sure to include it into our next episode for our Fan Mail Segment. And be sure to use the hashtag "Ask the Barricade" so that we know what to look for! And if you share this show with your friends, we'll be sure that one of the characters gives you a big shout out in the next episode. Because come on! We're fanfiction! What fangirls wouldn't want a shout out by their favorite Les Amis characters?! ( _Audience goes crazy!_ ) Great! Now on with the show!

 **SCENE 03: OUTSIDE COSETTE'S BEDROOM**

 _VAL JEAN and FANTINE hesitantly walk up to COSETTE's door._

 **VAL JEAN** Fantine, honey, are you sure that you heard her correctly?

 **FANTINE** It has to be the reason! It's the only thing that makes sense! What else could she get bad news from a doctor's test from at her age, and with her looks?!

 **VAL JEAN** But why do we need to spy on her like this? Why can't you just ask her?!

 **FANTINE** But..but…I can't ask my little baby girl something like this! I don't think I could handle it!

 **VAL JEAN** Alright, fine! I am the Man of the House. I think I know what to do.

 _VAL JEAN knocks hard on COSETTE's door. COSETTE opens up._

 **COSETTE** Yes, Daddy?

 **VAL JEAN** Your mother wants to talk to you.

 _VAL JEAN runs off, leaving FANTINE frustrated._

 **COSETTE** Is everything ok?

 **FANTINE** So…how are things with Marius?

 **COSETTE** Oh, they're good! He's really nice and very sweet. If you guys want, I can bring him over after our date today. ( _picks up her cell phone and starts tapping away._ )

 **FANTINE** Sure! That would be great! I mean, I certainly wouldn't like to have a cell-phone as a son-in-law ( _laughs nervously_.)

 **COSETTE** Son-in-law? What are you talking about?

 **FANTINE** ( _nervous_ ) I mean…you are going to marry him…Right?!

 **COSETTE** Marius? We've only been dating for three weeks. What are you talking about?

 **FANTINE** ( _eyes widening_.) You mean…he's NOT the…the…?

 **COSETTE** I mean he's great and all that, but I think we need to give it some time before I know if he's the one.

 **FANTINE** What?!

 **COSETTE** I mean I'm still keeping my options open. At this point it could be anyone. I don't know. It could be Erik, Raoul, or Phillip…

 **FANTINE** VAL!

 _VAL JEAN enters the room._

 **COSETTE** Okay, what is going on?!

 **VAL JEAN** We should be asking you and this Marius boy the same thing! We know all about it!

 **COSETTE** ( _Waiting for an explanation_.) Okay? So? What do you wanna know?!

 _Doorbell rings._

 **COSETTE** Okay, this'll have to wait. That's probably Marius now. You guys made me late.

 _FANTINE gasps as COSETTE grabs her purse and hustles out of the room._

 **VAL JEAN** We made her late?! Is she saying we're at fault here?!

 **FANTINE** We couldn't have had any part in her getting pregnant. We're respectable, loveable nosy-busybodies!

 **VAL JEAN** Well, one thing's for sure. It has to be Marius. Did you see her reaction to the doorbell?!

 **FANTINE** At least he was nice enough to come to the door!

 _VAL JEAN and FANTINE exit the room._

 **MEANWHILE, DOWNSTAIRS…**

 _COSETTE answers the door. FATHER MYRIEL enters._

 **COSETTE** Hi can I help you?

 **MYRIEL** Hello there. I am Father Myriel.

 **COSETTE** Oh, Hi! Come on in!

 **MYRIEL** Are you Mrs. Fauchelevant?

 **COSETTE** No I'm her daughter, Cosette

 **MYRIEL** Ah, I see. Well I had just very recently joined this town's church, and I was hoping I could meet some of my new neighbors!

 **COSETTE** Awe, why of course! ( _Calls for her parents_ ) Mom? Dad? You guys wanna come down?

 _FANTINE and VAL JEAN walk down the stairs._

 **COSETTE** Mom? Dad? This is the new Father!

 _FANTINE yelps as she faints in VAL JEAN's arms._


	7. Bloopers

**AN: Sorry for the delay, everyone! School started and I've been swamped. Here's something a little different to hold you all over. You've been amazing so far! Please remember to send your questions to any of the characters you want.** **Have a good day!**

 **GAG REEL**

 **EPISODE 01:**

 _FEUILLY enters through the front door_

 **FEUILLY:** Ugh! Some people should not be allowed to drive!

 **PROUVAIRE:** Let me guess. It was that senile old Asian that still thinks he's pushing carts in Singapore?

 **FEUILLY:** Oh don't you think that's…

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836:** Wait hold on, Seth. Can we just take it back to Feuilly's entrance?

 **THOMAS:** Wait what did I say?

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836:** You said "pushing". The line's pulling.

 **THOMAS:** Oh goodness!

 _ **BEEP BEEP**_

 **FEUILLY:** Ugh! Some people should not be allowed to drive!

 **PROUVAIRE:** Let me guess. It was that…uh

 **THOMAS:** …SUGAR! I just had it!

 _SETH laughs as he exits the stage. STEVE's trying to hold in his laughter while looking at his laptop._

 _ **BEEP BEEP**_

 _FEUILLY enters through the front door. He glances over at PROUVAIRE._

 **PROUVAIRE:** What?

 **SETH:** Oh I'm not making my entrance, just wanted to see if you're good!

 _STEVE and THOMAS crack up._

 _ **BEEP BEEP**_

 _COMBEFERRE enters the room. ENJOLRAS is showing frustration as he struggles to fold up his newspaper._

 **COMBEFERRE:** Awe what happened, Enjolras? The Patriots lose again?

 **ENJOLRAS:** Very funny… ( _Parts of the newspaper rips to pieces_. _RAMIN is trying to conceal his laughter._ _STEVE notices it too._ )

 **COMBEFERRE:** Okay, Bahorel what's the…?

 **RAMIN:** Why are you still going?!

 _The whole stage and audience laugh._

 _ **BEEP BEEP**_

 **COMBEFERRE:** Saved by the bell.

 _Doorbell rings. NOAH stops in his tracks. ZOOEY laughs out loud._

 _ **BEEP BEEP**_

 _COMBEFERRE opens up the door to reveal OFFICER JAVERT and GRANTAIRE in handcuffs._

 **GRANTAIRE** Hey so…remember that time when I promised I would only keep the police fantasy thing to my room?

 _NOAH snickers and tries to hold it together. OFFICER DANIELS is poker-faced._

 **GRANTAIRE** I mean not with him because…meh. You never know.

 _NOAH pinches his nose as he snickers._

 **GRANTAIRE** Once you go Cop, you can never stop!

 **NOAH** ( _Cracking up_ )GODDAMNIT CHRIS!

 _ **BEEP BEEP**_

 _ **WHAT NOAH DOESN'T KNOW IS THAT THE MAPLE SYRUP BOTTLE HE'S ABOUT TO DRINK FROM IS ACTUALLY REAL MAPLE SYRUP AND NOT APPLE JUICE LIKE THE PROP HANDLER PROMISED**_

 _COMBEFERRE is easily distracted as he's pouring into his mug._

 _EPONINE doesn't give her line, but just watches as NOAH spits it out._

 **NOAH** *Censor Beep*

 _ZOOEY and the crew burst into laughter and applause, while NOAH gives his defeated smile._


	8. A Series of Random Events (1)

*****SHOUTOUT TO Cheekysu, Smiles1988, and RJ. for reviews!*****

 **SCENE 01: CORINTHE BAR; INT; NIGHT**

 _BAHOREL and his date RACHEL are sitting in awkward silence at a table. BAHOREL looks as if he is disturbed, and RACHEL is curious as to why._

 **RACHEL** Bahorel, do you think we should just call it a night?

 **BAHOREL** Hm? No! No, I'm sorry Rachel…I'm just…eh, I don't know how to describe it. It's about…your parents.

 **RACHEL** ( _Disheartened_.) Oh…well, does it bother you that they are both deaf and mute? You can be honest with me, I won't judge.

 **BAHOREL** ( _Reassuring_ ) Oh god no it's nothing to do with that! I mean, I would gladly take up sign language with them. I really like you, so I wouldn't mind at all. ( _RACHEL blushes_ ) It's just…what they did in the living room while you were getting ready.

 **RACHEL** What do you mean?

 **BAHOREL** ( _clearly uncomfortable_ ) Well…it's really embarrassing to tell you…I mean at first I didn't mind the silence in the room. Your mother sitting in her nightgown in a couch, and your father sitting in his chair watching TV. And then…all of a sudden, your mother stood up, lifted up her nightgown, took a glass of water, and poured it down her butt crack! Then your dad got up from his chair, pulled down his pants, and started doing your mother doggy style! When he was done, he sat back down in his chair, and picked up a matchstick and held it close to his eyes. I do apologize for the bluntness, but to tell you the truth, I kind of feel traumatized by it.

 **RACHEL** ( _Laughing out loud_ ) Oh my God, Bahorel. Is that all?!

 **BAHOREL** ( _Bewildered._ ) How the heck can you seem so calm about this?!

 **RACHEL** That's how they communicate! My mom was asking my dad "Aren't you going to get this ass*CENSORBEEP* a drink?" And he said "Screw you, I'm watching the Match!"

 **BAHOREL** ( _Pause._ ) CHECK PLEASE!

 *****OPENING CREDITS*****

 **SCENE 02: ELEVATOR LOBBY, COURFEYRAC's PLACE OF WORK; INT; MORNING**

 _COURFEYRAC, LESGLES and a lady enter the elevator together. The lady is closest to the buttons._

 **LAUREN** Floor?

 **COURFEYRAC** 32.

 _LAUREN presses the button, then takes a good look at COURFEYRAC._

 **LAUREN** …Combeferre?

 _COURFEYRAC looks at her._

 **COURFEYRAC:** Courfeyrac.

 **LAUREN** Courfeyrac!

 _COURFEYRAC looks at her and realizes…_

 **COURFEYRAC** Shannon?

 **LAUREN:** Lauren!

 **COURFEYRAC** Lauren!

 **BOTH:** Montfermil High!

 _The two of them laugh, while LESGLES stands there in silence. LAUREN looks at him closely._

 **LAUREN** ….No!

 **COURFEYRAC** Yeah!

 **LAUREN** No!

 **COURFEYRAC** __Oh! ( _COURFERAC straightens his hair to the side and pushes out his front teeth on the top._ )

 **LAUREN** Rabbit-Ramsey! ( _COURFETRAC nods._ )

 **COURFEYRAC** Braces!

 **LAUREN** Amazing!

 **COURFEYRAC** Thank you!

 _LAUREN reflects on their high school experience._

 **LAUREN** Football?

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _Shaking his head_ ) Theater Arts.

 **LAUREN** Oh.

 **COURFEYRAC** Choir?

 **LAUREN** Football!

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _Confused_ ) Football?

 **LAUREN** Cheerleader.

 _COURFEYRAC develops his sinister smile._

 **COURFEYRAC** Riiiiiight!

 **LAUREN** Excuse me?

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _Smiling_ )I remember…

 **LAUREN** What?

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _looks at her_.) Us.

 **LAUREN** Huh?

 _COURFEYRAC gestures to the two of them._

 **COURFEYRAC** Remember?

 **LAUREN** ( _Shocked_.) No.

 **COURFEYRAC** Yes!

 **LAUREN** Didn't!

 **COURFEYRAC** Did.

 **LAUREN** DIDN'T

 **COURFEYRAC** DID!

 **LAUREN** …Did?

 **COURFEYRAC** Did.

 **LAUREN** ( _Shaking her head_.) Never!

 **COURFEYRAC** Nature Trail?

 **LAUREN** What?

 **COURFEYRAC** Secluded Spot…

 **LAUREN** Secluded…?

 **COURFEYRAC** Hanky Panky!

 **LAUREN** ( _Slaps COURFEYRAC_ ) Pig!

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _wincing in pain_ ) Easy!

 **LAUREN** EASY! ( _Slaps him again._ )

 **COURFEYRAC** What?

 **LAUREN** Standards!

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _Scoffs_ )Sorry!

 **LAUREN** ( _Recovers_ )Over with.

 **COURFEYRAC** Married?

 **LAUREN** Yes.

 **COURFEYRAC** Congrats.

 **LAUREN** You?

 **LESGLES** ( _Scoffs_ ) Him?

 _COURFEYRAC glares at him before he sulks back into his corner._

 **COURFEYRAC** Single.

 **LAUREN** Happily?

 _LESGLES coughs in the background._

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _Pointing to LESGLES_ ) Brain-Injury.

 **LAUREN** My Sympathies.

 **COURFEYRAC** Thank you.

 _The Elevator button dings and the doors slide open; COURFEYRAC and LESGLES step out._

 **COURFEYRAC** Well, Lauren it was nice talking with you. I'm glad we caught up. I feel like I can have a full solid conversation with you.

 _LAUREN rolls her eyes_

 **LAUREN** Chatterbox!

 **SCENE 03: BACK PATIO; EXT; AFTERNOON**

 **FAN MAIL TIME**

 _THE GANG including MARIUS and COSETTE gather around the back patio as COMBEFERRE brings in the letters._

 **COMBEFERRE** Okay, this first one is from "Guest" again. ( _opens it up_ ) "Hahahahahahaha this was such a funny chapter! I love this sitcom so much!"

 **ENJOLRAS** You know what? No! I'm not going to grace anymore fan-mail with correcting the fans that this is a sitcom, not a fanfic!

 **COURFEYRAC** There's a few from this "cheekysu" fan. ( _opens up first one._ ) "Aww. Poor Courfeyrac. And woo-hoo! Totally going to favorite more things if it's going to show up in the story!" ( _PAUSE_ ) Poor me? Why is this person feeling bad for me?

 **EPONINE & COMBEFERRE **NO REASON! ( _They try to look busy to avoid COURFEYRAC's quizzical looking_ )

 **FEUILLY** ( _Takes the next letter_.) the second letter from that fan says… "Figures that Valjean would be almost totally useless in a time like this. Now, if Marius were being shot at, he could help. (I hope Valjean's not the one doing the shooting, after this.) Also, Raoul? THAT Raoul?"

 **MARIUS** Being shot at?! What did I do?!

 **COSETTE** Calm down, Marius. Daddy just thought you got me pregnant.

 _The whole gang bursts out into disbelieving laughter._

 **MARIUS** Gee thanks guys! I'm right here.

 **COSETTE** And to answer your question, Cheekysu, yes I was referring to Christine's boyfriend. The two of them have been hitting a rocky bump in their relationship so I was just seeing what my options are in case things don't go well with Marius.

 **MARIUS** Still right here!

 **COSETTE** Anyway…( _opens up next letter_ ) This one is from Smiles1988. "Holy crap that was brilliant! And you're humor is kinda inspiring me to actually plan out a story I'm still on the fence about. Anyway, thank you for the shout out, and once I think of a good question, I'll send it in (might take awhile) and I eagerly await Part 2 of the episode!"

 _COLONELTRAVIS1836 runs on stage and yanks the letter out of COSETTE's hand._

 **JOLY** ( _opening up next letter_ ) From RJ. . "Brilliant! I laughed all the way through! I can't wait for the next episode! X"

 **ENJOLRAS** Well at least SOMEONE got the memo.

 **PROUVAIRE** Oh this one's from Smiles1988 again. "That Cop fantasy line killed me. I had to take a breather. Hilarious, great job!"

 **COMBEFERRE** Yeah…we ALL had to take a breather… ( _Glares at Grantaire who smiles innocently._ )

 **EPONINE** GUYS! GUYS! GUYS! Cheekysu actually sent us Questions! ( _The gang applauds as EPONINE opens the first letter._ ) This first question is to Grantaire. "Do you get tied to the roof of the car a lot, or do you guys sometimes take turns?"

 **GRANTAIRE** Wait…what?

 **EPONINE** Uh…they want to know if you get tied to the roof of the car a lot?

 **GRANTAIRE** Wait when was I tied to the roof of the car?!

 **FEUILLY** Uh…that night we went out drinking. We took my car and couldn't fit everybody. You were passed out and we already shoved Prouvaire into the trunk.

 **PROUVAIRE** I still get nightmares from that thank you very much!

 _GRANTAIRE gets up from his chair looking pissed off._

 **GRANTAIRE** You mean to tell me the one time you guys tie me to the roof of a car and it's when I'm passed out?!

 _Everyone stares at him in stunned silence._

 **FEUILLY** Um…are you upset that we tied you to the roof or that you missed out on that?

 **GRANTAIRE** That I missed out on that! It's like, on my bucket list! Come on!

 _GRANTAIRE motions for BAHOREL and LESGLES to follow him around to the front of the house._

 **EPONINE** Anyway…( _reads second letter_ ) To Enjolras: "How do you keep track of what everyone in the house is up to? Are you always on your iPad because that's where your notes are?"

 **ENJOLRAS** Thank you for playing along, "cheekysu". And to answer the first part of your question…I don't. You'll find that after living with the same roommates for the past God knows how many fanfictions you've all written about us, I've decided to just break the mold of type-casting and just not really give a crap on what these guys get themselves into. I realized a long time ago that no matter what the situation is, these people will all remain the same. Grantaire will always be drunk and/or cynical. Lesgles will always be luckless. Joly will always be a paranoid hypochondriac…

 **JOLY** Gee thanks.

 **ENJOLRAS** Marius and Cosette will always be blindly in love with each other to the point where it's sickening…

 _MARIUS and COSETTE stop making out and turn their attention to ENJOLRAS._

 **ENJOLRAS** I'm sure by now you get the point. There's no way I can change these guys or keep an eye on them, so why bother? They make their own mess, so they can clean it up. And to answer the final part of your question, I always use my iPad because it helps block me out of their little sitcom-worthy shenanigans.

 **EPONINE** Meh…can't argue with him there.

 **SCENE 04: JAVERT's PATROL CAR; INT; AN HOUR LATER**

 _JAVERT and his partner are sitting in their car eating donuts, when they chance to see GRANTAIRE tied to the roof of BAHOREL's car._

 **GRANTAIRE** WOOHOO! THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!

 **HARRY** Sir…was that?

 **JAVERT** Yes, Harry. It was…

 **HARRY** Shouldn't we like…pull them over?

 **JAVERT** ( _Pulls out his newspaper and opens it up. His "I'm so done" face is showing._ ) Nope.


	9. He said WHAT!

**SCENE 01: LIVING ROOM; INT; NIGHT**

 _EPONINE exits her room to find the GUYS barricading the doors and windows. COMBEFERRE is hammering wooden planks to the windows. BAHOREL and LESGLES are rearranging furniture to block the doorway._

 **EPONINE** Umm…guys what's going on?

 _There is loud banging on the door._

 **JOLY** IT'S JOLY! LET ME IN!

 _COMBEFERRE goes to answer the door but COURFEYRAC stops him._

 **COURFEYRAC** Wait! How do we REALLY know it's Joly?

 **JOLY** Aw come on Courf! It's me!

 **COMBEFERRE** Better prove yourself fast, Joly. I hear the air outside is getting too thick with pollination.

 **JOLY** WHAT?! OH MY GOD! LET ME IN! I'LL SUFFOCATE OUT HERE! PLEASE!

 **COURFEYRAC** Yep. That's him.

 _They let a panting, panic-stricken JOLY inside._

 **EPONINE** Is anyone going to tell me what's going on?

 **COMBEFERRE** It's a long story and we don't have too much time!

 **JOLY** I got all of the supplies we need! Hopefully no one saw me. We should be able to last a month in here.

 **EPONINE** What's going on?! Was there a nuclear exchange?

 **FEUILLY** No…they're all still alive.

 **EPONINE** Is it the zombie apocalypse?!

 **COMBEFERRE** Eh, in my opinion it might as well be!

 **COURFEYRAC** YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH! OR THEY'LL COME AFTER YOU NEXT!

 **EPONINE** Next?!

 **ENJOLRAS** Don't you guys think this is all just an overly exaggerated reaction?

 **PROUVAIRE** Enjolras, the fact that you're still not fazed by what is going on, is probably why they'll be coming for us!

 **EPONINE** Can someone please tell me what the *CENSOR BEEP* is going on here?!

 _They all look at her. COMBEFERRE lets BAHOREL take his spot in barricading the window and goes over to her._

 **COMBEFERRE** Okay…Eponine. I'll try to be as delicate about this as I can. You remember how Prouvaire won the lottery for Hamilton tickets?

 **EPONINE** Yeah?

 **COMBEFERRE** And he was somehow able to convince Enjolras to see it with him.

 **ENJOLRAS** I only went because it has the American Revolution in it.

 **COMBEFERRE** Right. Anyway, after they saw it…Enjolras…well…he kind of…said something that he shouldn't have.

 **EPONINE** What did you say?

 **ENJOLRAS** ….look I don't get why you are all barricading the windows and doors. It's not that big of a deal!

 **GRANTAIRE** Enjolras…are you TRYING to sign your own death warrant?!

 **EPONINE** What did you say, Enjolras?!

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _sighs_ ) All I said, was that I thought it was ( _shrugs_ ) an "okay" show. ( _The lights flicker_ ) It's not really my favorite. ( _Thunderstorms clap_ ) And I just don't get the appeal.

 **EPONINE** ( _Pause_.) ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR *CENSOR BEEP* MIND?!

 **ENJOLRAS** What? Did you like the show?

 **EPONINE** I wouldn't know. I've never seen it. But I'm not stupid enough to say it out loud in public!

 **ENJOLRAS** Hey, this is America. I have a right to free speech. All I said was I just don't understand why people are wetting their pants over something that had the same style of music as Kanye West.

 _The Doors and windows start shaking._

 **PROUVAIRE** Oh God…it's them!

 **EPONINE** Who?!

 **COMBEFERRE** Pretty much every Hamilton lover in the world. They want Enjolras's head on a pike.

 **EPONINE** All because he said he just doesn't understand the appeal of Hamilton the Musical?

 **COURFEYRAC** Realistically, Prouvaire's the only one who has an idea.

 **PROUVAIRE** I mean, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about. To tell you the truth I just wasn't that impressed with the contemporary approach to the definitive moments of our Founding Fathers. I'm surprised the Duel at the end wasn't an Epic Rap Battle.

 _A window breaks and hands are reaching out from outside. Some of them grab PROUVAIRE from behind._

 **PROUVAIRE** NO! WAIT! I WAS JUST KIDDING!

 _The hands snatch PROUVAIRE through the window and yank him outside._

 **COURFEYRAC** PROUVAIRE! NO!

 _The Crowds break through the windows and doors and start charging after the AMIS Gang. The screen suddenly freezes, and in the upper right corner, there is a II PAUSE icon flashing. It cuts back to the AMIS Gang watching TV. COURFEYRAC puts down the remote and sets it on the table._

 **COURFEYRAC** And that, dear friends, is why we can never ever express our honest opinions over topics that people wet their pants over.

 **ENJOLRAS** …I *CENSOR-BEEP*-ing hate the Internet sometimes…

 **SCENE 02: PATIO: FAN MAIL TIME**

 _The Gang is gathered around the patio. OFFICER JAVERT comes through the backdoor._

 **JAVERT** Just got the call. Is everyone okay?

 **PROUVAIRE** Oh we're fine! We got some fan mail and one of them is addressed to you!

 **JAVERT** Oh…uh…cool. Maybe next time, don't use the word "Emergency" in the phone call.

( _COMBEFERRE hands JAVERT his letter._ ) What kind of a name is "cheekysu"?

 **COMBEFERRE** It's an internet thing. Besides, haven't you ever questioned why Victor Hugo gave you the name he gave you?

 **JAVERT** Eh…point taken. ( _opens up letter_ ) Ahem… "Yaaaaaaaayyy! So happy for Grantaire!

Javert: Do you have a special incident form just for the Buddies?" ( _Pause_ ) That's it? That's what I got called over for? I'm on duty, kids! We were investigating a double homicide!

 **EPONINE** Just answer the question and you can go!

 **JAVERT** ( _sighs_ ) Okay. Um…Do I have a special incident form just for the Buddies? Well…( _he looks at the AMIS gang who smile innocently._ ) Yes. I'm surprised we haven't invented it sooner. And why the hell am I not played by John C. McGinley?

 _EVERYONE shrugs their shoulders as OFFICER JAVERT leaves._

 **FEUILLY** This one's from Smiles1988 again. "I feel like I can relate to Javert. Also that scene with Courf and Lauren was priceless. Great job!"

 **COMBEFERRE** Did you seriously have a one-worded conversation with that girl?

 **COURFEYRAC** Oh she's great at communication!

 **LESGLES** Somehow I feel like he spoke the majority of his entire vocabulary with a girl.

 **GRANTAIRE** This one's from "RJ". "Definitely my favourite episode so far! I identify with Grantaire a lot. Question for Grantaire: What else is on your bucket list? And how much of it have you achieved? X" ( _PAUSE_ ) I have a bucket list?

 **BAHOREL** You made us tie you to the roof of the car and drive down route 80!

 **GRANTAIRE** Ohhhhh yeah! Yeah I have a bucket list. Unfortunately, the majority of it is the main reason Javert has his special incident form just for us. ( _slides in his seat sheepishly._ )

 **ENJOLRAS** This one's from " ." "THIS SITCOM IS AMAZING! Props to the writer for such an original idea, and to all the talented actors for portraying their characters so perfectly.

I also have a question for Enjolras: Enji, are you ever happy? You strike me as a little grumpy, which is hilarious most of the time. But, I'd love to see your smile *winky face* you're my favourite "buddy"- sorry everyone else but it's true-and I just want you to be happy sometimes!" ( _Pause_ ) Is this fan coming onto me?

 **COMBEFERRE** I don't know. We tried screening the profile. It didn't give us any clue as to whether or not it's a male or female. And we can't message them, because I guess maybe their introverts?

 **ENJOLRAS** But why would a male fan be coming onto me? ( _They all look at him, then they look at the screen_ ) Oh…right. I forgot. Fanfiction and all… Well, . To answer your question, I do try to be happy sometimes. But wouldn't you feel the same way I do if you had to live with the guys I have to live with?

 **COMBEFERRE** Enjolras, you're talking to the Les Miserables fandom about how they'd feel if they lived with us. What are you trying to prove exactly?

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _Sighs_ ) Well…I don't believe in being sappy so much. If I wanted all sentimental nonsense I would go watch Full House. Blech! But I'll tell you what, , if you send COLONELTRAVIS1836 a PM describing yourself, hobbies, interests, type of humor etc., and if you want to appear as a guest star on our show, we'll work something out!

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836** Hold on! I just want to clarify that this request is for ENJOLRAS, not me! I have a girlfriend lol. But seriously, maybe adding fans into the show besides fan mail could be an interesting approach!

 **COMBEFERRE** Oh come on, ! What's there to lose? We need the followers as well as content. We're running low on ideas as it i-


	10. DISNEY WORLD CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT

**COLONELTRAVIS1836:** HEY Everybody, how we doing tonight?!

( _APPLAUSE_ ) Great! Great! I have a super exciting announcement/treat for you all because you've all been absolutely amazing. I decided to include you all into the next few episodes.

The Barricade Buddies and others, will all be taking a trip down to Disney World, Orlando Florida! ( _Crowd goes insane_ ) I know, right? Now, I will be busy for the next couple of weeks and may not get around to writing the next episode yet! But this gives you guys a chance to enter into the contest.

The Prize is appearing as guests in the next few episodes, as well as going to Disney World with the Barricade Buddies. Now your job, is to send me a PM. Here's what I need.

1: Have the subject of the title be "TAKE ME TO DISNEY WORLD!"

2: Please provide me with a first name that you would like to use as well as your username, as this will be easier for me for scripting purposes.

3: Please let me know which of the characters you want to go with when you all go to the parks! (Please remember there are many characters haha so try to be diverse about it. It wouldn't be fair if I got 20 fans peeing their pants to go with Enjolras XD)

And that's about it! Please submit your entries no later than October 15th if you want to be in the first episode, where the gang goes to Magic Kingdom!

Have fun! Hope to see you at Disney World!


	11. Orlando Segment 01: The Resort

**SHOUTOUTS: Cowpandat, MusicalsandMordred, Smiles1988, RJ E-scope DxC, and cheekysu for entering the Disneyworld Contest.**

 **A/N Enjolras is now played by BRETT DALTON, and Insp. Javert is JOHN C. MCGINLEY. I recently started watching S.H.I.E.L.D. from the beginning and thought "yea that's more Enjolras the way I envisioned it! Sorry Ramin!"**

 **There will be more scenes than just those at Disney World. These locations and activities are inspired by my personally favorite things and places down in Orlando. The resort mentioned below is the one I always go to with my family. Enjoy!**

 **DISNEYWORLD SPECIAL**

 **PART ONE: CHECKING IN AT THE RESORT**

 **SCENE 01: SHERATON VISTANA VILLAGE RESORT, INTERNATIONAL DR, ORLANDO, FL**

 _The Barricade Buddies and then some, arrive at the Resort's main lobby, led by COLONELTRAVIS1836._

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836:** I'm telling you guys, you're gonna love it here!

 **ENJOLRAS:** You wrote this show. You could easily have us involuntarily liking it.

 _They all look at ENJOLRAS. They are confused and lost for words. They clearly did not get the memo about the change of actors._

 **COMBEFERRE:** Um…Enjolras? Are…are you okay?

 **ENJOLRAS:** Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?

 **COMBEFERRE** Uh…well…you look different.

 **ENJOLRAS** How do I look different?

 _COMBEFERRE looks at ENJOLRAS carefully, then decides against looking into it more._

 **COMBEFERRE:** Eh…never mind.

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836:** Well I'm sure the fans will have a blast being a part of the experience.

 **JOLY:** Fans?

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836:** Yeah, fans. Didn't I tell you guys you'd be spending the week here in Orlando with some of the fans of the show?

 **COURFEYRAC:** Oh boy…

 **JOLY** We're dead.

 _The fans, SOPHIA (Cowpandat), BAILEY (MusicalsAndMordred), TUESDAY (RJ) and SARAH (Smiles1998) rush into the lobby and start giggling._

 **ENJOLRAS** ( _PAUSE_ ) Yeah I didn't sign a release for this.

 **SOPHIA** Oh my God! It's Combeferre! Hi! I am so excited to be here with you right now!

 **COMBEFERRE** Yyyyeah. ( _Receives a glare from EPONINE_ ) Me too.

 _EPONINE groans as BAILEY wraps her arm around ENJOLRAS_

 **BAILEY** Wow…he's even more firm and muscular than I thought!

 **GRANTAIRE** Uh…Enjolras? Is that you?

 **ENJOLRAS** Yeah why?

 **GRANTAIRE** You look…different.

 **LESGLES** Don't ask. It's a long story.

 _TUESDAY gives GRANTAIRE a huge hug._

 **GRANTAIRE** Stranger danger! Stranger danger!

 **JOLY** Why is he panicking?

 **BAHOREL** Probably because he's super sober right now?

 _The whole group nods in understanding. COMBEFERRE Sees that SARAH has her eyes on COURFEYRAC. He quietly approaches the latter._

 **COMBEFERRE** Ok, Courf. You see that fangirl over there? ( _COURFEYRAC nods_ ) Well, I'm not entirely sure what her intentions are with you. So I just want you to be careful. If she asks you for any favors that seem sketchy, just say No. No matter what she asks you, just say NO!

 **COURFEYRAC** Ok. Got it.

 _SARAH goes up to COURFEYRAC._

 **SARAH** Hi, Courfeyrac. O.M.G. this is like incredibly forward, but would you by any chance, object to spending some 1-on-1 time with me in the resort's hot tub to get better acquainted?

 _COURFEYRAC lets her question sink in, and then turns his head in the direction of COMBEFERRE who is preoccupied with talking to EPONINE and SOPHIA._

 **COURFEYRAC** NO! ( _turns back to SARAH_ ) What's your name again?

 **SARAH** Does it matter?

 **COURFEYRAC** ( _Turns back to COMBEFERRE's direction_ )ABSOLUTELY NOT!

 _The two grab their bags and hurry off. COMBEFERRE sees this and throws his hands up in the air._

 **TUESDAY** So…Grantaire. There's a pool table out by the pool. You up for a challenge?

 _The rest of the group looks at COLONELTRAVIS1836._

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836** Hey don't look at me! I never got any details on WHAT the fans wanted to do outside of Disney World!

 **SCENE 02: DOWN BY THE POOL**

 _EPONINE, COSETTE and MUSICHETTA are on a couple of lounge chairs. MUSICHETTA and COSETTE are in their bikinis, but EPONINE is in her khakis, and tank top._

 **COSETTE** Come on, Ep. Why aren't you wearing your bikini? We all know you look really hot in it!

 **EPONINE** We already talked about this. You guys both know about…Combeferre and I right?

 **MUSICHETTA** Yep.

 **EPONINE** Well, we're trying to keep it under wraps for Courfeyrac's sake.

 **COSETTE** Yeah but what does that have to do with not wearing a bikini?

 **EPONINE** We've both been getting…eh…worse.

 **MUSICHETTA** ( _Realizing_ ) Oh my god. You're addicted to him?!

 **EPONINE** The last time I accidentally walked in on him while he was in the shower. Needless to say I could barely walk the rest of the afternoon.

 **COSETTE** Damn…If you'll excuse me I'm gonna go find Marius.

 _COSETTE gets up from her chair. EPONINE sees COMBEFERRE in his bathing suit, being tailed by SOPHIA_

 **EPONINE** Oh no he didn't!

 **COMBEFERRE** So remind me again how you guys were able to get onto our show?

 **SOPHIA** It was ColonelTravis1836's idea. He proposed a contest for a chance for your fans to accompany you to Orlando. Plain and simple.

 **COMBEFERRE** Just like that? No catch?

 **SOPHIA** Oh…you certainly are one. (bites her lip)

 **EPONINE** Oh hell no!

 _EPONINE takes off her tank top and pulls down her khakis and reveals herself in a bikini. Meanwhile, to their left and up the stairs in the hot tub, COURFEYRAC's head picks up as if he senses something._

 **COURFEYRAC** Something awesome just happened!

 _Meanwhile, BAILEY is playing Ping Pong with ENJOLRAS, and beating him effortlessly._

 **BAILEY** Yes! Seven games! I am on fire!

 **ENJOLRAS** Okay. I give. You win. I'm going to get a water. You need one? It's important to stay hydrated.

 _There is a long uncomfortable pause. All of the barricade buddies stop in their tracks and look in ENJOLRAS's direction._

 **ENJOLRAS** What?

 **GRANTAIRE** Okay, Tuesday and I Are going to pretend you did not just say that.

 **TUESDAY** 9 in the corner pocket! ( _She shoots the 9 ball in the corner._ ) Boom!

 **GRANTAIRE** Ugh. Why did I agree to this?

 **SCENE 03: FLAGLER STATION BAR AND GRILL, NEXT TO THE POOL**

 _Everyone is eating their dinners while COLONELTRAVIS1836 gets up to make an announcement._

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836** Okay everyone. First off, I'd just like to say thank you to those who have entered the contest. You're providing us with excellent content even though this is a short episode. Now you've all been marked down for the next episode where you'll be accompanying your Barricade Buddies to Magic Kingdom tomorrow, but there's still time to enter the contest again! As I mentioned before, please leave the name you'd like to be addressed with, and who you'd like to accompany. So far we've vacancies for Feuilly, Joly, Musichetta, Prouvaire, Bahorel, Lesgles, Marius and Cosette. Oh and the Thenardier kids.

 **AZELMA** ( _nonchalantly_ )I'm gonna murder you.

 **GAVROCHE** Yeah…great idea casting Aubrey Plaza as my sister. Reeealll smooth!

 **COLONELTRAVIS1836** Anyway…be sure to leave a reply by no later than October 22nd, and you'll be featured in the Magic Kingdom sequence. I will provide the following list of places after that.

Hollywood Studios

Epcot

Universal Studios/Islands of Adventure

Titanic: The Exhibition

Have a great time!


	12. Magic Kingdomsort of

**I'm sorry I'm having the biggest trouble with this Disney World Contest thing I can't get creative with it enough. So I'm just gonna publish what I have and just call it quits there. DON'T PANIC THIS ISNT THE END OF THE SHOW. I've just hit a huge writers block with the contest. In my head it just seemed like a good idea, and I'm glad I got people excited for it, but the fact remains I'm just not creative enough to entertain you guys with this Disney world idea. So after this I might go back to regular episodes. I'm so sorry everyone.**

 **Shoutout to fangirl20122 for her Disney World Entry**

 **SCENE 01: HOTEL SUITE, SHERATON VISTANA VILLAGE RESORT, ORLANDO FL**

 **ColonelTravis1836:** Hi ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for coming to today's show! We apologize sincerely from the bottom of our hearts for the insane delay in updating this series! Things have been pretty crazy with with school and work! I haven't had time to make a new chapter!"

 **Random Audience Member:** I call Bull- *CENSORBEEP*! You updated your other stories!

 _Two security guards arrive and chloroform the audience member and drag him away._

 **ColonelTravis1836:** Anyone else have a problem? ( _Pause_ ) So, hopefully, we'll try to get another episode as soon as we can! In the meantime, please everyone just sit back, relax, and enjoy the Barricade Buddies and their trip to the Magic Kingdom!

!

 _Combeferre and Eponine were getting dressed in their bedroom of the suite._

 **Eponine:** So apparently I've been assigned to a fan named Serina? Is this still a thing?

 **Combeferre:** No idea.

 **Eponine:** So, how are things going with Sophia?

 **Combeferre:** What does that mean?

 **Eponine:** Well she really seems to like you! Just thought I'd see how things were going.

 **Combeferre:** You've gotta be kidding me, right? First of all, I'm sleeping with you! Not her! Secondly, nobody knows how old she is, or…anything else for that matter! And thirdly, I thought we were okay with just being friends with benefits?

 **Eponine:** Yeah, we are.

 **Combeferre:** So then…what's the problem?!

 **Eponine:** ( _sighs_ ) I like what we have, okay? I just don't want THAT to be ruined by the whole concept of including our fans into the storyline.

 **Combeferre:** ( _scoffs_ ) Well, I doubt that would happen. I spoke with ColonelTravis1836. After being swamped with school, and work, and trying to find a new job, he vowed he'd never do this again.

 **Eponine:** Okay. Alright, I'm sorry, I got…jealous. Let's just, treat these fans to a fun day, and we'll go from there.

 **Combeferre:** Right. We're going to Magic Kingdom. What could go wrong? _(He walks over to the bathroom, to find it occupied with Musichetta and Joly.)_ Seriously, guys?!

 **Joly:** Hey, I thought you knew!

 **Combeferre:** Oh we know! Trust me, our followers know! But I thought we made a pact not to let Courfeyrac know about this!

( _Courfeyrac enters the room from the kitchen._ )

 **Courfeyrac:** Know about what? ( _he sees Combeferre and Eponine getting dressed._ ) Combeferre!

 **Combeferre:** Courfeyrac!

 **Courfeyrac:** Eponine?!

 **Joly:** Eponine?!

 **Eponine:** Joly? ( _Pause_ ) I thought today was Lesgles' turn.

 **Courfeyrac:** Lesgles?!

 **Musichetta:** Eponine!

 **Courfeyrac:** Musichetta?!

( _Lesgles enters from the outside balcony of the suite_ )

 **Lesgles:** Courfeyrac! ( _Pause._ ) What? I just heard everyone calling out each other's names so I thought I…( _looks at the group._ ) Joly?!

 **Joly:** Lesgles! 

**Lesgles:** Musichetta?!

 **Musichetta:** Lesgles!

 _Enjolras exits from his bedroom_.

 **Enjolras:** What the hell is going on here?! ( _He sees the group_.) Oh…

 **Courfeyrac:** Enjolras!

 _Feuilly enters through the main door_.

 **Feuilly:** What's going on? We doing a roll call or somethi- oh.

 **Courfeyrac:** Feuilly?!

 **Combeferre:** Oh my God we *CENSORBEEP*ing get it! Okay?! Yes, Eponine and I are sleeping together, and yes, Joly, Lesgles and Musichetta are involved in a polygamous relationship, and we kept it from you because we weren't sure how you'd take it. Only Enjolras and Feuilly knew. Okay?!

 _There is an awkward pause. Finally, Bahorel enters the suite._

 **Bahorel:** Alright! The cars are all packed! Who's ready to go to Magic Kingdom?!

 _Another awkward pause._

 ***Opening Theme Song***

 **SCENE 02: MAGIC KINGDOM; Ferry Terminal**

 _Courfeyrac is leaning against the railing, while fan Sarah hangs out with him. They are joined by Combeferre, Eponine, and Serina and Sophia._

 **Combeferre:** Courf, we'll be landing there soon. Can we at least just drop the grudge until we're done with the contest?

 **Courfeyrac:** Why couldn't you just tell me? I would've been fine with it!

 **Eponine:** Really? Combeferre said you would've been upset that he was able to get a girl without your help.

 **Courfeyrac:** Oooooh. Yeah, that's true. But that doesn't explain what the heck's going on with the threesome happening within our own group!

 **Combeferre:** Yeah…that's honestly something I can't understand myself. I mean, I feel like Victor Hugo kinda just…glossed over on that one.

 **Courfeyrac:** I mean, he wrote friggin' paragraphs on our descriptions alone, and dedicated entire chapters on complete nonsense.

 **Combeferre:** I know, the least he could've done was go into detail about that little threesome or "polygamous relationship" that they're having.

 **Eponine:** ( _Moving on_ ) The point is! The secret is out, let's not let it ruin our trip, okay?

 **Courfeyrac:** Okay…

 **Combeferre:** By the way, I'll just be the one to ask this, but… ( _to the fans_ ) Do _ANY_ of you guys have any lines in this? ( _Sophia produces a flash card and hands it to him_.) "Due to a time constraint and an urge to rush past this episode and keep our followers happy, we've cut down on the dialogue from the fans." ( _Pause_ ) Well, why couldn't you just say this? ( _Sophia shrugs her shoulders_ ) Oh! I get it! We can't afford the creativity!

 **SCENE 03: Main Street USA**

 _The Les Amis gang and their fans approach the Walt Disney and Mickey statue_. _Grantaire is looking around the fountain._

 **Enjolras:** What are you doing?

 **Grantaire:** Trying to see if that Myth is true about Mickey's nose being the same length as Disney's…

 _Prouvaire puts his hands over Tuesday's ears._

 **Bahorel:** Oh! There's a hidden Mickey right here! ( _Jots down in his notebook_ )

 **Prouvaire:** Bahorel, what are you doing?

 **Bahorel:** Looking for the Hidden Mickeys! And here's one right in front of us! ( _points to the statue_ )

 **Enjolras:** ( _To the audience_ ) Just letting you know, I didn't sign a release for this.


	13. SORRY!

**AUTHORS NOTE**

 **Thank you so much for your patience I do apologize I'm feeling like a jerk I've been updating two other stories but not this one! I am working on a short episode and it will be uploaded soon I promise! Thank you for your patience, and I do apologize again, but the Disney world contest just isn't working. I just can't get creative enough with it.**

 **But in order to keep my fans entertained, and for ways for you to keep staying active (and for me to be creative) I decided for another "contest"**

 **PM me with a new sketch/plot idea for the next episode, and I will not only write it up, but feature you as a character.**

 **Thank you again!**


	14. Are We On the Same Page Here? (2)

**LES AMIS RESIDENCE; LIVING ROOM**

 _Marius sits on the couch in the living room, with his arms hugging a pillow. Combeferre enters from the front door. As soon as he does, Marius snatches his cell-phone and pretends to look busy._

 **COMBEFERRE:** Hey…Marius. You ok?

 **MARIUS:** Of course, Why wouldn't I be ok?!

 **COMBEFERRE:** Well…for starters, you're playing with your phone upside down. ( _Marius looks at his phone and shoves it into his pocket._ ) What's up, man? You've been acting weird lately. And not weird like the kind where it's become socially acceptable as the norm by our fandom either.

 **MARIUS:** It's just…oh I don't know.

 **COMBEFERRE:** You'll feel better if you talk about it.

 **MARIUS:** Okay…

 **COMBEFERRE:** …Well?

 **MARIUS:** I'd rather not talk about it.

 **COMBEFERRE:** Marius!

 **MARIUS:** Okay, fine! I think Cosette is cheating on me.

 _Combeferre sits and stares at Marius for a good minute, trying not to laugh._

 **COMBEFERRE:** Um…Marius…that's impossible!

 **MARIUS:** No, it's true! Last night she called and said she couldn't make our date. This morning, she backed out of going out for breakfast. And she's an hour late today we were all gonna go to see Beauty and the Beast!

 **COMBEFERRE:** Oh…really?

 **MARIUS:** What?

 **COMBEFERRE:** No…it's nothing.

 **MARIUS:** Come on! You said it wasn't bad!

 **COMBEFERRE:** I did, but I didn't jump up and down and tell you to go see it or else I kill you! I figured I'd leave that for whoever leaves a review on our chapter!

 **MARIUS:** You didn't think it was that good?

 **COMBEFERRE:** I mean it was ok, just not really worth the hype everyone was making. I mean, they really defeated the purpose of a live-action remake if ¾ of the film was CGI'd. Personally, I was waiting for Be Our Guest to have 4D effects.

 **MARIUS:** Well My grandpa is skeptical because they made LeFou gay.

 **COMBEFERRE:** Oh, they didn't even need an announcement you could tell right off the bat. It was so obvious a child could have guessed it.

 **MARIUS:** Or be very confused depending on their upbringing.

 **COMBEFERRE:** OKAY ANYWAY! My point is, I'm sure you're imagining things! I'm sure she hit traffic or something.

 **MARIUS:** No…it's too late. She's given up on me! She doesn't love me…

 **COMBEFERRE:** Why don't you just talk to her?

 **MARIUS:** Are you kidding? I don't have the heart to tell her… ( _He gets up from the couch_ )

 **COMBEFERRE:** Where're you going?

 **MARIUS:** The bedroom…At least she wouldn't think to look for me in there…

 _Marius exits into the bedroom. Cosette storms in the front door._

 **COSETTE:** Unbelievable! Of all the nerve!

 **COMBEFERRE:** What happened?

 **COSETTE:** I am just so…mad!

 **COMBEFERRE:** Oh no…did our ratings go down?

 **COSETTE:** What? No.

 **COMBEFERRE:** …. Weird.

 **COSETTE:** No, some douchebag rear-ended me downtown!

 **COMBEFERRE:** Oh, my god! Did he do a lot of damage?!

 **COSETTE:** Yeah! About $500 worth! My dad's gonna kill me! Have you seen Marius?

 **COMBEFERRE:** He's in the bedroom. Oh, and speaking of Marius…

 **COSETTE:** This guy didn't even have his insurance card! He said he would drop it off later. Yeah right! He'll be long gone by now! Where's Marius?

 **COMBEFERRE:** _Still_ in the bedroom. Cosette, Marius thinks…

 **COSETTE:** I can't stand people sometimes! Ugh! ( _looks at Combeferre_ ) Well do you know where he is or not?!

 **COMBEFERRE:** …nope. Haven't seen him at all today.

 **COSETTE:** Great! Just great! Right when I need my boyfriend the most, he's not around! ( _Combeferre gets up to leave_ ) Where are you going?

 **COMBEFERRE:** I'm just gonna go into the kitchen, and use bleach to marinate tonight's meal.

 **COSETTE:** Okay, if Marius texts you can you let me know? ( _Combeferre rolls his eyes as he enters the kitchen_.) Honestly…$500 down the toilet. And I just had the car detailed!

 _Marius emerges from the bedroom and sees Cosette, his face growing sad._

 **MARIUS:** Hi…

 **COSETTE:** Marius! Where've you been?

 **MARIUS:** Oh…just the bedroom. Didn't think anything…eventful would happen _there_. ( _He looks at Cosette again as she goes to the liquor cart to make a drink_.) Hey…can I…ask you something?

 **COSETTE:** Ugh, does it have to be now? I have way too much on my mind!

 **MARIUS:** ( _pause_ ) Does it…involve…someone else?

 **COSETTE:** ( _looks up at him_ ) Yeah, how did you know?

 **MARIUS:** ( _Rushing to her_ ) Oh God! How did it happen?!

 **COSETTE:** First of all, Marius it wasn't my fault!

 **MARIUS:** ( _voice_ shaking) Oh, it's ok. It usually never is…I…I can understand…

 **COSETTE:** I mean, there I was, minding my own business in the middle of downtown. Next thing I know, _BAM!_ He came from behind and rammed me hard!

 **MARIUS:** ( _Trying hard not to cry_ ) Is he…good looking?

 **COSETTE:** Well…I mean, he's built, I'll grant that, but what does that matter?

 **MARIUS:** Oh…nothing. I guess the damage is done…

 **COSETTE:** Pfft! I'll say! $500 worth, and I have to go tomorrow to get it looked at!

 **MARIUS** ( _Jaw drops_ ) So…who is this guy? I mean…if he's built…doesn't he have a girlfriend?

 **COSETTE:** Yeah…he had it on his phone screen. Why?

 **MARIUS:** Oh…nothing. I just thought…well…if she knew about it.

 **COSETTE:** Well she better! He's probably telling her as we speak!

 **MARIUS:** But…but what will _you_ do?

 **COSETTE:** I need to clear my head before he gets here.

 **MARIUS:** Wait! He's coming here?!

 **COSETTE:** Of course, babe! I mean, I don't want my parents to know that he came unprepared!

 _Marius gasps as Cosette leaves. Combeferre enters, he heard everything._

 **COMBEFERRE:** Okay, now Marius, I know what you're thinking…

 _The doorbell rings. Marius slowly gets up and opens the door. A man enters._

 **MAN:** Excuse me, does Miss Cosette Fauchelevant live here?

 **MARIUS:** ( _glaring at man_ ) Yeah. Who wants to know?!

 **MAN:** Well…I was hoping we could go over and resolve…the accident.

 _Marius yelps and faints._


	15. Ponine and Ferre Plan a Weekend (Part 1)

**COLONELTRAVIS1836:** Hi everyone, thank you for coming out to another taping to another episode of The Barricade Buddies! I just have a couple of announcements. First one, is I have read your responses to new episode pitches, and they ARE going to be taken into the rotation within another episode or two, don't worry!

Secondly, I started watching a few funny shows and therefore have made a few cast changes.

Enjolras is still being played by Brett Dalton. Combeferre still by Noah Reid. Eponine is now played by Allison Brie. Musichetta is played by Gillian Jacobs, and Lesgles is played by Donald Glover for all of those Troy/Britta shippers from Community. That being said, I'm not sure who would play Joly since he's in the polygamous relationship with the other two, and I can't picture an Abed/Britta ship. Anyone know of a young actor who can pull off hypochondriac/OCD? Let me know in your reviews/PMs!

I think maybe Anna Kendrick would be better off as Cosette, and Ben Fankhauser (David Jacobs from Newsies) would be a better Marius.

Still unsure of who could play a good Bahorel. I was thinking about it and Steve Howey just isn't making the cut. Maybe Jake Johnson from New Girl.

And as for Feuilly, I'm leaning towards Giullian Yao Gioiello from Miss Julie's Greenroom.

Any suggestions? Objections? Let me know in the reviews/PMs! Now it's On with the Show!

 **LIVING ROOM**

 _COMBEFERRE and EPONINE are sitting on the couch. COMBEFERRE has a clipboard._

 **COMBEFERRE:** Okay…Kitchen?

 **EPONINE:** Too open.

 **COMBEFERRE:** ( _Writes on clipboard_ ) Basement?

 **EPONINE:** Even when Grantaire's not down there, his essence is.

 **COMBEFERR:** ( _Scribbles on clipboard_ ) Garage? ( _EPONINE narrows her eyes at him. He scribbles again._ ) Attic?

 **EPONINE:** Too noisy. Remember last time we took the decorations out for Chr*stmas and your grandfather…wait…

 **COMBEFERRE:** What?

 **EPONINE:** Did I just get…bleeped for saying Chr*stmas?

 **COMBEFERRE:** Oh…you didn't get the memo? We gotta say Happy Holidays.

 **EPONINE:** But…the whole gang here is either Catholic, or not religious.

 **COMBEFERRE:** But our fans/followers might not be.

 **EPONINE:** Ugh! Okay! Either way, the last time there was movement up in the attic, and your grandfather stayed over, he started getting war flashbacks.

 **COMBEFERRE:** Yeah. He loses one card game and is traumatized for life.

( _Rim Shot_ )

 **EPONINE:** That was terrible.

 **COMBEFERRE:** I know…

 **EPONINE:** Moving on! That basically leaves the hot tub which is too out in the open.

 **COMBEFERRE:** Which brings us to the conclusion that the only place we can have sex anymore is in your bedroom or mine. So, the thrill is practically shot.

 **EPONINE:** Yeah. After doing it as long as we have for the past seven episodes…it gets kind of boring, and now the risk of getting caught is no longer relevant now that everyone knows.

 **COMBEFERRE:** You said it.

 **EPONINE:** Yep.

 **COMBEFERRE:** Uh huh…

 **EPONINE:** Mhm!

 **COMBEFERRE:** Yes sir.

 **EPONINE:** Indeed.

 **COMBEFERRE:** ( _Pause_ ) Geez…are we really stretching out on running time?

 **EPONINE:** This is getting us nowhere. Why don't we just go on a weekend getaway somewhere?

 **COMBEFERRE:** Just the two of us?

 **EPONINE:** Sure! Why not?

( _JEHAN and FEUILLY enter through the front door. JEHAN is clutching his own arms and visibly shaken. FEUILLY is consoling him_.)

 **COMBEFERRE:** Whoa…Jehan. You okay, buddy?

 **FEUILLY:** He just needs a minute…

 **JEHAN:** the horror….the horror…

 **EPONINE:** What happened?! He's as wh*te as a…OH COME ON!

 **FEUILLY:** Eh…he's ok physically. Mentally right now…I don't know.

 **COMBEFERRE:** I thought you guys went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on Broadway today?

 **FEUILLY:** Well…we did. ( _JEHAN sits on the couch in fetal position_ ) And…that's why.

 **COMBEFERRE:** Why what?

( _BAHOREL enters the room watching a video on his iPad_ )

 **FEUILLY:** That's why Jehan is kind of traumatized right now. And to tell you the truth, I may have a nightmare or two tonight.

 **COMBEFERRE:** What the hell happened in that show that could've done this much damage to Jehan?

 **BAHOREL:** Man, I just love Rocky & Bullwinkle. Those villains are always so funny with the way they pronounce "moose" and "squirrel"!

 **JEHAN:** ( _Screams then hyperventilates_ ) ARGH! ITS THEM! ITS THEM! DON'T LET THEM RIP ME APART! PLEASE! I WAS GOOD TO MY PARENTS! I ATE MY DARN VEGETABLES! I SWEAR!

 **FEUILLY:** JEHAN! Calm Down! You're ok!

 **COMBEFERRE:** Whoa…what just happened!

 **FEUILLY:** Its…it's the 's' word.

 **COMBEFERRE:** You mean "squirrel"?

 **JEHAN:** OH GOD THEY'RE COMING FOR ME NEXT! NOTHING MAKES SENSE! THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO CHUCK HER DOWN THE GARBAGE CHUTE! WHY DID THEIR EYES TURN RED! WHY DID THEY RIP HER APART?! WHY?! WHYYYY?!

 **FEUILLY:** JEHAN! RELAX! It was just an act! Their eyes can't really turn from yellow to red! It's scientifically impossible!

 **EPONINE:** You know what, Combeferre? Maybe we should let him take care of this!

 **COMBEFERRE:** Okay…hey Jehan? Feel better okay?

( _JEHAN slowly nods. EPONINE and COMBEFERRE exit through the front door. JOLY is holding his laptop_.)

 **JOLY:** Hey Bahorel? Where was that pdf you sent me? I can't find it on my email.

 **BAHOREL:** Oh…you might need to scroll down—

( _JEHAN screams_ )

 **Will Combeferre and Eponine ever find a place and time to become intimate again? Will Jehan recover from his PPT (Post Play Trauma)?**

 **Tune in next week…or whenever it's convenient for the author…and find out!**


	16. Season One Finale

**A/N: Jonathon Sayer as Joly. If you don't know who he is, look up The Play that Goes Wrong!**

 **LIVING ROOM**

 _Joly and Lesgles are sitting on the couch, watching something on their laptop. They are sitting next to Claqseous. Bahorel enters._

 **Bahorel:** Hey guys…( _Looks at Claqseous_ ) What's _he_ doing here?

 **Lesgles:** We've only slammed the door on one of the Patron Minette Gang in Episode three. We need a reason to kick another one out of the house.

 **Bahorel:** So…you invited him solely for that purpose?

 **Claqseous:** Eh, it's screen time.

 **Bahorel:** Okay then…( _looks at laptop screen._ ) What are you guys watching?

 **Joly:** It's the newest music video by Voctave. These guys are sensational. I mean, listen to their harmonies!

 _Joly hands Bahorel his ear bud. Bahorel listens for five seconds._

 **Bahorel:** Whoa…I think my ears just came.

 **Joly:** Perfectly normal reaction.

 **Claqseous:** Meh…I like Pentatonix better.

 **Lesgles:** There it is.

 _Lesgles and Joly get up from their seat, pull Claqseous up by his shirt and shove him out the door._

 **Claqseous:** Thanks guys! This was fun…

 _Lesgles slammed the door shut._

 **Bahorel:** Huh…so are we hating on Pentatonix now?

 **Joly:** Not necessarily hating them exactly. It's just that Voctave isn't as popular as Pentatonix is, and we just think that Voctave's songs are better.

 **Bahorel:** Well, let's see some of their videos then!

 **Lesgles:** Grab the popcorn! We've been binge-watching these since 7am this morning!

 **Bahorel:** There's that many videos?

 **Lesgles:** No. They've been on repeat at least three different times now. They're just that good.

 **Bahorel:** Oh…

 **OUTSIDE THE FRONT DOOR**

 _Eponine and Combeferre walk up to the front stoop, having just returned from their little excursion._

 **Eponine:** Okay, so we both agree then that that place was a huge mistake?

 **Combeferre:** Yep. Who would've thought that that particular hotel was legitimately on the US/Canadian border?

 **Eponine:** And that our bed was literally divided by a line of paint. I couldn't go down on you without having to go through some forms.

 **Combeferre:** Yeah it didn't exactly help the fact that the border patrol guy was in the room either.

 **Eponine:** Yeah. Eh, we've been in weirder situations than this.

 **Combeferre:** Just another weekend with the Amis. ( _Eponine goes to open the front door_.) Hey, Ponine. ( _Eponine turns back to him._ ) Um…I was just thinking…

 **Eponine:** Yeah?

 **Combeferre:** Something that just…stuck with me back during the Disney World Contest at the hotel. Back when I said that were just sleeping together, not really dating.

 **Eponine:** ( _Looking down._ ) Oh…yeah?

 **Combeferre:** Well, it got me to thinking…would there really be a bad side to us dating?

 **Eponine:** What do you mean?

 **Combeferre:** Well, ColonelTravis1836 had said to me that he was planning to make this the season finale since he needs time and energy to focus on his last semester of college. So…we obviously need some kind of a cliffhanger to keep our fans/followers hanging for another *cough* few months.

 **Eponine:** Well, you do know that the studio has _other_ shows that star us right?

 **Combeferre:** Oh yeah. Right now, **Titanic: Lost in the Valley of the Night** is undergoing some editing right now. But there's also the sequel to that, and most recently, that story of us about the Alamo: **From the Barricades to the Mission**.

 **Eponine:** Oh! You mean the one without me, or Bahorel, or Prouvaire, or Gavroche?

 **Combeferre:** Hey! Tell that to Victor Hugo! He killed you three off before the final assault even began.

 **Eponine:** Shameless plugs aside…to answer your question, well, no I don't really see any bad side to us dating. We're already physically compatible, we watch shows together. Okay. Why not!

 **Combeferre:** So…we're official?

 **Eponine:** Hold on, one sec! ( _Eponine takes out her cellphone and changes her Facebook status._ ) Now, it's official!

 _Eponine and Combeferre kiss to the sound of a cheering audience._

 **Combeferre:** Let's go tell the others!

 _Eponine and Combeferre open the front door. There they find the entire group huddled around the laptop._

 **Prouvaire:** These guys are amazing! They need to have their own Disney Movie!

 **Combeferre:** Guys! Eponine and I are-

 **The Rest of the Group:** SHUT UP!

 _They continue to watch Voctave._

 _Audience applauds._

 _The Les Amis take their bows._ e


	17. Season Two Premiere

**Scene:** The Living Room

Cosette, Marius and Enjolras are sitting on the couch, watching the end of _Sleeping Beauty_. Combeferre and Eponine enter, puzzled by the sight in front of them.

"Um…what's going on here, guys?" Eponine asked.

"I was finally able to convince Enjolras to watch a Disney movie with me." Cosette replied.

"I'm sorry, what?!" Combeferre asked, baffled.

"Well, he said that every Disney movie has a plot hole, and I made a vow to disprove his theory." Cosette explained.

"And _Sleeping Beauty_ was your first idea?" Combeferre countered.

"What? Why not?" Cosette asked.

"Well, because the plot hole is so obvious, Bahorel could've figured it out." Eponine added.

"Oh really?!" Cosette challenged. "Well, what's this plot hole?"

Combeferre took off his glasses and wiped them, while Eponine went into the kitchen to make two cups of tea.

"Well, the thing about _Sleeping Beauty_ is, Aurora's fate could've easily been avoided 100% guaranteed."

"How so?" Enjolras asked, intrigued.

"Well, Maleficent had her henchmen search around for Aurora for the first sixteen years of her life, right?"

"Yeah?"

"And only now does she realize that they were looking for a baby, so she sends her right-hand crow to search for a sixteen-year-old. Right?"

"Of course."

Eponine returns to the living room with two mugs and gives one to Combeferre.

"Thanks, cutie. Meanwhile, the three good fairies have withheld from using magic at the risk of revealing their location to Maleficent. Right?"

"Right…?" Cosette said warily.

"And when Flora and Merryweather were fighting over the color of the dress that they used magic to create, the crow was alerted to their presence."

"Exactly!" Enjolras said.

Combeferre concluded. "Therefore, all of that being taken into account, Aurora's fate could've easily been avoided, if the three good fairies, without magic, being cooped up in a cottage deep in a forest with nothing better to do than raise a little girl, had just once in all the sixteen years they had her, f*cking learned how to bake a simple cake and how to sew a simple dress!"

Cosette is stunned. Enjolras nods in approval, and Marius ponders this new revelation.

Cosette leans back in her seat and mutters "Well…f*ck me then!"

Marius rolls his eyes and exclaims "You say it, but you don't mean it!"

Eponine and Combeferre look at them and raise their mugs to their lips.

"What a weird way to start off Season Two."

 **The Barricade Buddies**

 **Starring**

 **Brett Dalton as Enjolras**

 **Noah Reid as Combeferre**

 **Alison Brie as Eponine**

 **Cole Sprouse as Courfeyrac**

 **Jack Douglass as Feuilly**

 **Anna Kendrick as Cosette**

 **Ben Fankhauser as Marius**

 **Jonathon Sayer as Joly**

 **Donald Glover as Lesgles**

 **Gillian Jacobs as Musichetta**

 **Jon Cozart as Prouvaire**

 **Danny Masterson as Grantaire**

 **Josh Peck as Bahorel**

 **Nancy Travis as Fantine**

 **Neil Flynn as Valjean**

 **John C. McGinley as Javert**

 **Nick Offerman as Thenardier**

 **Megan Mullaley as Mrs. Thenardier**

 **Aubrey Plaza as Azelma**

 **And Jack Dylan Grazer as Gavroche**

 **Scene:** University campus.

Marius and Courfeyrac are walking out of their classroom on their way to lunch.

"So, wait a minute, you mean to tell me that you guys still haven't had sex yet?" Courfeyrac asked.

"Why don't you just announce it to the world?" Marius replied.

"Aww man, this is worse than back when Combeferre was single last season!"

"Oh, that's another thing. Is breaking the fourth wall still going to be in?"

"As long as it provides us with content." Courfeyrac answered.

Just then, a male student approaches the two of them, looking pissed.

"Hey. Is one of you Marius Pontmercy?!" the student asked.

Marius raised his hand. "What's up?"

The student huffed and pulled out his phone and started pulling up pictures. "I think you should know, that your girlfriend has been running around with my boyfriend!"

Courfeyrac takes the phone to look at it closely. "Whoa, wait a minute, let me get this straight…oh! Sorry! No pun intended." he said, apologetically at the student, who looked less than amused at the jab.

Marius turns to the student. "What you're trying to say is…your _boy_ friend is running around with my girlfriend?"

"Yes!"

"YOUR _BOY_ FRIEND?!" Marius repeated, making sure he was clear.

"YES!" The student exclaimed.

Marius, for his part, simply shrugged his shoulders. "So? That just makes _three_ guys that've never had sex with her, and at this point probably never will!" he said before sulking off.

Courfeyrac gave the phone back to the student. "Buddy, you need to start figuring out what is classified as 'running around', and what is rehearsing for a part your boyfriend has in the school play." And then he followed Marius.

 **Scene:** The Kitchen

Musichetta and Eponine are rolling up cookie dough balls and placing them on the cookie tray.

"So, how are things with 'Ferre?" Musichetta asked.

"Oh, it's great. I mean, it was fine back when we were just friends with benefits, but now that we're a couple, I feel like we'll have more of a plot to play around with."

"Like how?"

"I don't know. Maybe funny scenarios that would never have happened if we weren't a couple."

Musichetta shook her head. "That'll be interesting."

 **Meanwhile:** The Living Room.

Combeferre is typing away on his laptop. Just then, his cell-phone rings. He picks it up.

"Hello?"

" _Combeferre! Hi, it's John from the School Board."_

"Oh, hi what's up?"

" _I just got out of the meeting. I figured I oughta let you know, since you just started as a regular teacher and all…"_

"What's up?"

" _Well, the good news is we have that group of students that got accepted into that internship program in the city. They're all confirmed for the summer."_

"Oh great. Wait let me write down their names!" Combeferre said before grabbing a pen.

As he listened carefully, he jotted down the names onto his list.

"Sharon, Rayna, Mary, Debbie, Julie, and Kevin." He repeated back.

" _Yep, that's all of them!"_

"Okay, wait, so what's the bad news?"

Eponine enters from the kitchen, unnoticed by Combeferre.

" _Well, because of this internship deal we made, we had to do some rearranging in our budget. So, I'm afraid you won't be able to have an aide in your class after all. Do you think you'd be okay with telling Sarah?"_

Combeferre sits up, partially outraged. "Are you kidding me? We haven't even been together that long, and now you're saying I have to get rid of her?!"

Eponine stops in her tracks and looks in Combeferre's direction, slightly shocked.

"Yeah but…we've only just started…No…no I don't want to argue…look if money is going to be an issue…okay, fine. No, I don't want to piss off the committee. I'll do it myself. But, if I'm doing this, do you think it's possible sometime in the future I can have a new one?"

Eponine silently gasps and covers her mouth.

" _We'll see what we can do. We'd really appreciate it, it'll save us some time to get other things done. Speaking of which, were you able to pick up that prop gun for the school play?"_

"Yeah, I have the gun in my desk drawer." Combeferre answered.

Eponine's eyes grow wide.

"Okay, talk to you later." Combeferre said before hanging up. He got up and saw Eponine standing, lost for words.

"Hey, babe. You okay?" he asked. Eponine continued to remain still. Combeferre, sensing that something is wrong, waves a hand to get her attention, but to no luck. He shrugs his shoulders and walks into the bathroom.

Musichetta walks in, and Eponine grabs her by the shoulders.

"Chetta! Combeferre's planning to kill me!"

"What the heck?"

"I overheard him on the phone! He's being hired as a hitman!"

"You can't be serious!"

Eponine goes over to the coffee table where the list is. She picks it up and yelps.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm not even dead yet, and he's lining up new girls to take over! Sharon, Rayna, Mary, Debbie, Julie, Kevin."

The girls did a double take on the last name.

"Maybe he's saving the last one for Prouvaire?" 'Chetta suggested.

Eponine looked at her. "But…but his preference was never established!"

Combeferre stepped out of the bathroom. Eponine turned her attention to him with daggers in her eyes.

"Eponine? What's wrong?" Combeferre asked, genuinely concerned.

"If you think you can get rid of me without a fight, you got another thing coming, buddy!" Eponine bellowed.

"What are you talking about?!" Combeferre asked, confused.

"If I can't have you, no one else will! So here's how it's gonna go down, buddy! I am taking full control! We are going to go back into the bedroom, strip naked, and have wild passionate sex until _I_ say so!" Eponine demanded.

Combeferre, for his part, shrugged his shoulders and followed Eponine into their bedroom. "Fine by me."

Musichetta's jaw was open the entire time. "I only get mentioned once in the book and I get subjected to all of this?!"

 **Backyard**

Grantaire was sipping a beer while flipping burgers on the grill.

Lesgles was sitting in the hot-tub with Joly.

Enjolras was sitting on the lounge chair, reading an article on his tablet. "I can't believe it. So many people are in support of that kid that tore up the Constitution for the #EndGunViolence movement.

Lesgles rolled his eyes. "We just returned from a huge hiatus. You seriously want to lost followers on our first day back?!"

"Look, I only have this to say, and then I'll drop it. These kids are screeching to take guns away claiming that they kill people. But by that logic, if guns kill people, then what's gonna happen when they start going after pencils for failed tests? Stop producing car keys to prevent auto-accidents?"

Just then, Feuilly came out of the house with some envelopes.

"Enjolras, I have some more hate mail for you. You really need to stop exercising your freedom of speech and just submit to the tide-pod eating, man-bun wearing, vegan-vaping romper wearing… oh no." Feuilly said.

The gang looked up and saw what was going on over the fence next door.

"What's going on? Who is it?" Joly asked.

"New neighbors?" Grantaire asked, chugging his beer.

Enjolras looked closely and groaned. "Worse…it's the cast of Hamilton!"

The rest of the group moaned in annoyance.

"Why do we hate them again?" Feuilly asked.

"It's not that we hate them. We just don't _get_ them. We don't _get_ why they're such a huge deal. We don't _get_ why a single ticket costs more than an online class. We just don't _get_ the craze."

"Hey Barricaders! You better stop the hate! Don't want our fans to pay a visit to your house with toilet paper again! We are the greatest musical that's ever lived and there's nothing you can do to change that!" Hamilton called out.

Enjolras got up to face him. "Oh get over yourself, Hamilton! Just because we think you're overrated does not make us haters. But threatening us to do anything other than praise you, is like reverse-hate."

Hoping to change the topic, Feuilly opened up a new letter. "Oh, look! Got another fan mail letter. This one's from **bexlynne**.

" _Hey! I just started reading/watching and this is great! I have some questions for the Barricade:_

 _Is your street called Barricade Avenue? That would be fantastic._

 _How big is your house? It must be pretty big if you all live there._

 _Can't wait for the next episode!"_

Enjolras pointed his finger at Hamilton. "This ain't over, Hamilton. I know a historian who's done research on the famous duel. And. It. Was. Not. Climatic!"

"Hey, buddy? The fan mail?" Joly asked.

Enjolras pulled away from his confrontation and addressed the question.

"Well, it used to be called Barricade Avenue. Now, it's entertainment neutral, apparently. And also, we live in Englewood Cliffs, NJ, so our house is pretty big. Not too bad. We do pretty well. Thanks for asking. Glad you love the show!"

Feuilly read the next line.

"Whoops…better text this part over to Cosette and Marius."

 **Meanwhile, at Cosette's house.**

Cosette and Marius are watching TV. Marius gets a text and reads it. When he sees it's addressed to them both he reads it out loud.

" _Cosette and Marius, were Val Jean and Fantine's fears about you two ever put to rest?"_

"Ha! With the sex withdrawal, I doubt that their fears were ever even _born!_ " Marius exasperated!

Cosette rolled her eyes.

 **Living Room**

Combeferre exited the bedroom looking exhausted, his clothes disheveled, and hair messed up. Joly was watching tv.

"Joly…I need help!" The bespectacled man pleaded.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Eponine. We've been at it for the past 13 hours. I need a break, but she's so full of energy. I don't know where she gets it! But she won't stop! What do I do? I've never seen her this active before!"

Joly sighed, and looked in his fanny pack, fishing out a capsule. "Here. See if she'll take one of these. It's not necessarily a sedative. It'll just reduce her energy by half. It should help at least buy you time."

"But how will I get her into taking it without it becoming obvious?" Combeferre asked.

Eponine poked her head around the corner of the doorway as Joly answered. "Just drop that into her water bottle. She'll never know the difference."

Her eyes widen with shock and fury. "Hey, you! 'Ferre! Yeah, I'm talking to you! I never said you were done! Back in the bed! Now!"

Combeferre groaned in exhaustion. He dragged his feet back to the bedroom. Before entering, he looked back at Joly, and muttered "I think she's trying to _kill_ me."

 ***Cue Sitcom Laughter, Followed by Applause***

"A laugh track for that terrible line? What are we? Written by Chuck Lorre?!" Joly asked.


End file.
